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Private all of your pieces

Discussion in 'Crystal Vales' started by Kylo Ren, Sep 14, 2019.

  1. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    oct 16 – @Jaesa Willsaam

    There she was.

    Dark hair swirling about her shoulders as she moved, the gold of her saberstaff humming cleanly through the air. Overhead, seagulls squawked and circled lazily over the sand and waves, and Kylo approached slowly, not truly wanting to interrupt her. And the longer it took him to get there, the longer he could put off the conversation that would come. The introduction. The longer he could put off seeing her turn to him with no recognition in her eyes.

    Rey had told him a few days ago about her, and after spending a few days debating if this was actually good idea, he decided he needed to come. Just to see her, to know that she was okay. Even if it would hurt exponentially.

    Even then, weeks after her disappearance, he could feel the searing emptiness where their bond had once been. When he thought on it for too long, it threatened to suck him in and crumble his resolve. It hadn't succeeded yet. He'd left Jaesa, even before she'd left him, to find himself. To maybe, maybe, be a better man. And he would not stop until he did that. For her, for Rey, for all the pain he'd caused. He hoped this would be a part of that.

    But surely she had noticed his approach by then; if not by sight, then in the Force. Kylo stopped several yards away, and sucked in a slow breath through his nose, trying to calm the pounding of his heart.

     
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  2. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    Jaesa had been spending more time than usual down here on the beach, training and meditating as she did her best to avoid Tamar. She felt a little guilty at doing so, considering everything that the hunter had done to help her settle down and get used to living in this world. He'd done so much she had started seeing him as a constant in her life, and enjoying his presence more than she had expected. It hadn't been until that night in the wilderness after he'd shown her his wolves that she'd realised the truth of the matter.

    She'd been getting attached to him. And that realisation had caused her to pull right back, to run away and shut him out and avoid him completely through the days since. Guilt or no guilt, she could not allow herself to grow attached, not like that. Force, if Master Karr knew that-- The amount of trouble she'd be in was not worth it. He would have forbidden her from ever seeing Tamar again, and rightly so.

    After a few times of ignoring his knocks at her door though, she'd come down to take refuge on the beach. She didn't wear her padawan robes - she only had the one set, currently in the laundry - but instead a pair of pants and a shirt of similar shades of sandy yellow-brown. Her hair was loose, blowing about her shoulders in the salty wind, her long and intricate padawan braid swinging back and forth with every fluid motion she made.

    She'd spent the past four hours meditating, struggling to maintain levitation several inches off the ground as she stubbornly forced herself to purge everything. All of her guilt. All of the confusion. All of the continued grief and pain over the loss of her bond that still had not lessened. Four hours it took before she could regain the tranquillity and closeness to the Force that she sought, and once she had that, she'd begun work on her forms, the golden blades of her saberstaff flashing as she moved through every move with grace and speed.

    Eventually, she sensed a presence through the Force nearing her, just like when Leia had approached her on this very beach. Only, instead of shining brightly to her senses, this one... This one was darker, enough that her breath caught the moment she noticed and she froze mid-move, golden blades slanted above her as her head turned slowly to look at the figure that she could sense the dark side so keenly from.

    A man, several years older than her, staring at her with a peculiar expression on his face and even more peculiar emotions wafting through her senses, the most plain of which was pain. A recognisable pain, because it was the same kind that she felt every day since she had arrived in this world. A pain that ran deeper than any physical or emotional thing. He had the same hole in his soul that she did.

    She lowered her saberstaff, though she did not deactivate it. "Can I help you?" she asked bluntly, her previous self shining through past the cool wariness in an otherwise calm tone.
     
    #2 Jaesa Willsaam, Sep 14, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2019
  3. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    Kylo looked into her face–so similar, but also so different– younger, expression lighter. For a moment, his heart pounding in his ears, he debated turning around and going back without saying a word. But he hadn’t come this far for that. And he owed the memory of the woman she’d been more than that, too.

    “No. You used to know me.” There was no point in lying, pretending like he’d been drawn to her presence in the Force alone– she would know it. He could only imagine what her first impression of him was, as those dark eyes found his. Strange, to look on her, and not know what she was thinking and feeling as though they were his own thoughts and emotions.

    Besides– she’d already met Rey. She had to know this would be possible for others. She’d been here for years, after all.

    “My name is Kylo.” He managed a slim, stiff smile, one that didn’t show at all in his eyes.

     
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  4. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    No, he said, and Jaesa's eyebrows rose just ever so slightly before he continued, wasting no time in telling her that she used to know him. She blinked, the surprise clear in her expression, dark eyes fixed on his as her mind whirred with thoughts.

    Even without knowing anything else, it was plain that this man was steeped in the dark side of the Force. A Sith, perhaps - the only explanation for a naive padawan from the Cold War era in which the Sith Empire had held so much power - but certainly someone who focused on the dark side, his signature through the Force appearing murky and shady.

    Everything that Master Karr had ever warned her about the dark side and those who used it passed through her mind, whispers from her Jedi Master who was so regrettably not here in this world with her. They were insidious, as treacherous as the very darkness they drew their power from. Liars. Deceivers. They allowed their emotions to get the better of them and to rule them, controlled by nothing more than the whims of passions and rage. Ambitious, cruel, ruthless. No exceptions. Master Karr had been clear on that, and why wouldn't she believe him? He'd walked amongst the Sith himself, as a spy.

    This one, though - Kylo, he said his name was - seemed... He seemed hesitant. Uncertain. He looked on her with a degree of familiarity that she didn't think would have been the same if they had been enemies, though she could not imagine why they would be anything else, not if she was Jedi and he was Sith. At least with Rey... At least Rey shone brightly with the Light.

    She believed him though, that they had met before. She sensed no deception, nothing to suggest he was not telling the truth, and if she had already met one person who had known her previously, why not another? "How did we know one another?" she asked him, canting her head slightly to the side as she regarded him. Both tone and expression remained calm and mild, but still held a faint sharpness. "I would have assumed as rivals, but you don't seem in any hurry to attack me."
     
    #4 Jaesa Willsaam, Sep 18, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2019
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  5. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    Kylo took a single deep breath, allowing himself that space to think and decide what to say. Because he hadn't, not yet. What was the right thing? The truth? It would only serve to overwhelm her, open a can of worms that he knew he wasn't ready to go into. The hurt of losing her so completely was still too fresh. Even looking at her... he could barely stand it.

    "We were friends," he offered tightly. "Close. I know Rey, too." He hoped that dropping the other woman's name would at least offer him some credibility in this situation.

     
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  6. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    Friends. That was certainly a surprise, with a second following up immediately in the form of Rey's name being dropped. She wouldn't have thought the other woman would fraternise with dark side users. But then, she did have a boyfriend. But why would Jaesa herself ever want to befriend someone who walked the dark side of the Force? She was a Jedi. The Jedi did not make friends with users of the dark side.

    But he also wasn't lying, so far as she could tell. It was... confusing. Jaesa had no idea what to think. But he was not hostile, and not lying, and so she relaxed a little. Enough that she deactivated her saberstaff, recalling a tenet of the Order: to activate your lightsaber against someone, you must be willing to take their life. She had no desire to react with any violence at all towards Kylo, not even knowing that he was a darksider.

    Replacing her weapon at her belt, she hesitated in what to say. It had been difficult enough trying to navigate this situation with Rey, who was a friend she could at least see herself having had. But this man? What would have pulled them together in the bonds of friendship? She gazed at him, noting the tightness not only to his tone but his gaze too. The pain she could sense from him was so keen that she almost felt like it could hurt her, like a knife to her senses. He'd said they were close friends. How much of the pain he felt was at seeing her? "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I can feel that this is not easy for you." She looked down, feeling the same as she had with Rey; regretful that she was not who these people wanted. Even this one, steeped in the dark side as he was.

    "I mean no disrespect," she continued, her voice soft and gentle. Just because he must have been a Sith hardly meant she would be rude or hostile to him. Everyone deserved respect... until they showed that they didn't. "But we seem like an odd pair of friends, with me being Jedi, and you..." She hesitated. Rey was not Jedi, even though she was as light as Jaesa. "Are you Sith?"
     
  7. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    At her apology, he didn’t react. This Jaesa had already met Rey, so at least she was familiar with this concept; they didn’t need to linger on those harder details. Though at the mention of disrespect, his brow rose a bit, and he almost snorted. The tone, the words– it was so unlike the Jaesa he knew. That in itself was painful, but he bid that feeling to bury itself.

    He could only address the situation for what it was. And be… mostly honest with her. “No,” he replied simply”But you weren’t a Jedi when we met. You were older, had given it up long ago.” He didn’t try to ease her into that fact; she could take it for what it was. Either decide to fight that fate, or be curious about it.

    ”Actually, you were a lot like me.” He watched for her reaction, as he said the words evenly and neutrally, like a passing observation.

     
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  8. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    Although Jaesa knew now that she had already been in Pandora, she knew very little of the details surrounding her previous life here; Rey had said little, and Jaesa had not asked, uncomfortable with the entire idea. The most she knew was that she had been around for years in this world, and the only real hint she'd been given that the other Jaesa had been different was Rey's passing comment - only yesterday, in fact - about how she had once enjoyed wearing very small dresses that exposed more than they hid.

    What Kylo told her, so casually and neutrally as though speaking of nothing more than the weather, was the most that she had been told. That she had supposedly given up the Jedi long ago was the first shock; Jaesa had trained to be Jedi since childhood and could no longer even imagine any other life. Stars, but she barely even knew how to live at all outside the Order and her Masters. She struggled every single day trying to navigate this world and life on her own, especially now that she had made the decision to cut Tamar out of it. How could she have ever given up being a Jedi?

    The second shock was the observation that last time, she'd been like him. She blinked, the surprise clear on her face for just a moment before she drew herself up. For just a moment, as her dark eyes settled on him with a sharpness far away from the mild softness usually there, she looked more like the Jaesa these other people had known, the biggest difference not being in expression and tone but in the long, thin, intricate braid that swayed behind her right ear, marking her as a padawan. "Is that so?" she asked. A large part of her wanted to outright deny what he said, but there was no shift in emotions expected of a liar. She could have thrown a tantrum and stubbornly accused him of being a liar, but what was the point in that? Besides, he would have known she could easily have asked Rey for confirmation. "And what is it that you're like, Kylo? There must be more to you than the dark side, then."

    She could have found out herself if that were the case, of course; could have found out more about who he was and what he was like than even he knew about himself. But it wasn't like he would know she could do that. And assuming that there must have been more to him, something beyond the simplicity of being fully dark side, was the only way she could even consider the suggestion that she had been like him.
     
    #8 Jaesa Willsaam, Sep 26, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2019
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  9. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    He didn't miss the look on her face, though she tried to smooth it over by turning the conversation back to him. But Kylo gave a short snort, and merely shrugged. "That," he began, clearing his throat, "Depends on who you ask." But then, he raised a brow at her, knowing the truth was more in her grasp than it even was his. "Though it's not like you need to ask to know."

     
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  10. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    She was about to respond when his words actually hit her. Though he didn't specifically refer to the things that only she could do with the Force, she wasn't stupid enough to think that he could have been speaking of anything else.

    For a moment, she looked as though she'd been slapped across the face. "You know about that?" she asked faintly. She felt more knocked off-balance by him knowing about what she could do than the idea that she had defected from the Jedi Order and become like him. Logically, it was not unfeasible, not when she currently felt lost and alone, set adrift from what she had known for the most important years of her life, separated from the two men who had raised her through adolescence and taught her everything and guided her along the right path. Without them she didn't know who she was or what she was supposed to do. Maybe the other Jaesa had felt the same and had had differing experiences. She didn't know what had happened to her.

    No, the thought that she might become like Kylo was not unbelievable. But telling him what she could do? Giving him the one piece of information she had been told to keep completely secret, warned that she could face the danger of torture or worse at the hands of dark sided Force users for?

    "When did you find out? How many people other than you and Rey and--" She stopped short of mentioning that man Rey had warned her was after her for her 'gifts'. He probably didn't know about him. "How many others know?" Her voice held a sharpness behind her continued, forced calm, concern plain in her dark eyes. Never tell anyone. Ever. Your life may depend on your silence, Master Karr had said, and yet apparently she'd just tossed that secret around like candy!
     
    #10 Jaesa Willsaam, Sep 28, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2019
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  11. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    Kylo supposed he shouldn’t be surprised by her reaction. It was something she’d kept close to her chest, and rarely ever used– that he knew of. But he remained calm through her questioning, his expression almost bored to her alarm. But then, as a thought crossed his mind, tightened.

    ”Sauron knows. The man– deity– who hunted you last time. Has anyone else approached you about it?” His tone stiffened with urgency.

     
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  12. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    So he knew about that too. At that point, her surprise had been exhausted and she only let out a soft sigh. She did not miss how Kylo's expression tightened right before he spoke, or the urgency in his voice when he did so. It lent credence to what Rey had said, though the second mention of this Sauron being a god brought doubt to her eyes, still.

    "Rey mentioned a man hunting me, too," she answered slowly, putting faint emphasis on the word 'man'. Gods did not exist, and this Sauron must have put on a good show to make both Rey and Kylo believe he was one. "She didn't say much. Actually, for all the words she used she said very little on the matter."

    She ran her tongue across her bottom lip, the only outward sign of her nervousness when it came to the stalker she did not know. She tried not to allow herself to be afraid, but it was difficult, knowing there was someone out there who wanted to hurt her, and had done so in the past. The only comfort she had received had been from Tamar, and even he had said to exercise caution.

    "Were you familiar with him?" she asked, and then hesitated, realising that her words could have been misconstrued into assuming they had worked together just because he was dark side. Her cheeks flushed just a little. "I meant, through... through her." She couldn't refer to the other Jaesa as herself, especially not now she knew that woman had been like Kylo.
     
    #12 Jaesa Willsaam, Oct 4, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2019
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  13. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    Familiar? Kylo slowly shook his head. "I don't know... who he is, or where he comes from. I only know that he wanted her. Will want you. He won't see you as different." Though the fact that she hadn't come face to face with him.... was interesting. Sauron had never been subtle in his attempts to capture her before– at least that he knew of. No, he'd had no problem facing them in the crowded streets of Elysium, just to show that he could.

    "Maybe he's gone," Kylo allowed, with a small shrug. He hoped so, for her sake. "Just... be careful."

     
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  14. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    Jaesa couldn't really help the expression or noise of frustration that were both more reminscent of the previous version of herself that had so recently disappeared. Twice she had been warned about this Sauron and twice she'd been given next to no information to help her avoid him. How was she supposed to try and remain safe when she knew nothing? How could she not be frustrated?

    Kylo's words about how this Sauron had wanted the other Jaesa and would want her, too - he didn't even say maybe, instead making it sound like a given - made her shudder involuntarily. It reminded her too much of Master Karr's warnings about the Empire, how they would without a doubt want her if they found out what she could do hence all the protections he put in place around her. But neither Kylo nor Rey had said that this Sauron was Force-sensitive at all let alone Sith.

    "I will," she said slowly. She didn't trust people easily. She only really implicitly trusted Rey and Tamar so far. Everyone else, she had a healthy amount of wariness for. "Thank you for the warning." For a moment, she hesitated, though her eyes never left Kylo's. However calm and soft her demeanour, her gaze held a firmness to it recognisable to any who had known the other version of her well. "Do you stay around here as well? I've been making an effort to get to know Rey better." Partially for her, because she had never had friends growing up, and partially for Rey, so Rey had not completely lost a friend in the other Jaesa. "It seems I am different from the Jaesa who was still here last, but... I am still Jaesa." Rey seemed willing to get to know the differences and similarities. Perhaps Kylo would too. After all, she had no idea of what else there had been between him and the other her.
     
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  15. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    Kylo nodded slowly, eyeing her a moment before letting his gaze sweep off to the side, out over the beach as he listened. Her words surprised him– was she implying she would want to make an effort to get to know him better? That would be... surprising. He didn't think he was anything like her, not anymore.

    And maybe it was... better this way. Maybe Jaesa was happier this way. He couldn't likely judge for himself, but he could hardly do anything to change her back if he wanted to. "Maybe," he allowed in a grumble, though he looked at her with doubt. "You're Jaesa. But you're not the person I knew. She's gone." Allowing any other thought would... only be more painful. As it was, he felt emotion spike in him, and his jaw tightened, a brief look coming over his eyes that he quickly blinked away. A mourning.

    He took a breath. "You don't want to know me, Jaesa. I'm not good for you– you already know that. I wanted to see you again but I won't bother you." He looked at her, swallowed. The intensity of his gaze had to suggest that they'd been more than mere passing acquaintances, casual friends– but perhaps Jaesa, as she was, wouldn't even recognize heartbreak before her. She'd never been in love, after all.

     
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  16. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    She did not know if she was being wise, suggesting to Kylo that she get to know him better if he lived in the same area. Master Karr would have dissuaded her; no, he would have flat-out prohibited any contact at all with someone who felt through the Force as Kylo did.

    But Jaesa could see more than Master Karr could. She sensed Kylo's darkness, but like she'd thought, there was more to it than that. He was dark in ways that Jaesa wasn't entirely sure she understood. He was bitter, angry, violent, and his heart held passion that any Jedi Master would have hissed at. Even then, Jaesa couldn't help reciting in her head: There is no passion, there is serenity. In fact, he was rather the antithesis of more than one line of the Code. He was chaos where there should have been harmony. And where there should have been peace, he was a roiling tangle of emotion. He was, on the surface, precisely what Master Karr had gone to such lengths to keep her away from. She could only imagine how fast he would put himself between the pair of them if he were there.

    And yet... There was more to this man. There was still light. There was still goodness. Empathy and kindness. Though there was hate, none of it was directed towards her. Towards her, there was only pain.

    He was right, of course. She did not understand love enough to recognise heartbreak when she saw it. She did not understand love at all. She only assumed that the pain was because they had been friends. It made her feel guilty, as though she were to blame.

    "I want to know those I knew before," she said slowly. He didn't frighten her, whatever darkness she saw. She saw more than that, better than that, and she knew he was not a threat to her. And if he was a friend of Rey's, with Rey still as light as she was... "But I understand." In truth, she was almost desperate for company, in this world without her Masters as she was.

    For a few moments, she simply gazed at him. His words about being no good for her seemed to come from a place of deep bitterness, of lack of confidence in who he was. He wasn't comfortable with who he was, perhaps didn't even know the truth of who he was. "I think you are better than you think you are," she said finally, her words soft. They were not the naive words of someone trying to find faith in someone they did not know. They were the words of someone who knew.
     
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  17. Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren Star Wars

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    At first, guilt twisted in him– that he would walk away from Jaesa again, just because she wanted to know him. But still, to his core, he felt he was right, that he had no business—

    Her following words hit him and for a moment his jaw slackened, his lips parting in surprise. His eyes widened, ever so slightly, and for a moment he was silent. Because she wouldn't just say that. She was a Jedi, if she felt he were evil, she would hardly care to protect his feelings. For a moment, a brief moment, he allowed himself to consider if that were true.

    Then remembered all he'd done. The crimson blood that clung thick to his hands. There wasn't even a specific instance that sprung to mind, just an overwhelming sense of the nightmare that he had been to so many. "You don't know what I've done," he pointed out, and then glanced away. Sighed to himself. Then looked back to her, composure recollected.

    "I'm not really staying anywhere. I only came to find you. But you'll see me again."

     
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  18. Jaesa Willsaam

    Jaesa Willsaam Star Wars

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    She could tell from Kylo's reaction that he knew her words came from a deeper, surer place than others would have spoken it. He knew of her unique abilities in the Force, after all. Somehow.

    "No," she agreed gently, nodding. "I don't." Her ability didn't work like that, after all. She could read so much about a person, but not their past actions. Only what those actions seared into their soul. "But I know what those things have done to you." She gave him a smile. It was a small thing, as cool and gentle as her tone, but it was there. He was the definition of conflict, it was plain in every facet of his heart and soul. It made her want to help him, only... she didn't know how. Or even if that help would be wanted, not when there was so much pain at being in her presence.

    "You can rest knowing that I am safe. I'm only sorry that I'm not who you wish I could be." She'd said the same thing to Rey. It was hardly her fault, but she still felt like blame could be lain at her feet. Foolish, but there it was. She eyed him for a moment, unsure how likely it was that she would see him again, or even how much she wanted to. He was, after all, not the kind of man she'd ever have been permitted to even go near back home. But Master Karr was not here. Even if he had not meant to, he had left her feeling lost and lonely in this world, her only company Rey and-- Well, just Rey.

    Not really sure what else to say, she finished with an awkward, "I hope you enjoy your day," as she tugged her coat around her, preparing to leave.