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Private Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints

Discussion in 'Morhall' started by Roy Mustang, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. Roy Mustang

    Roy Mustang Fullmetal Alchemist

    Posts:
    138
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    29/30
    9th February, year 7
    Tags- @Edward Elric

    Al had been called away by Riza, but he had only left because Roy had promised to sit with the heavily drugged Ed and Roy had wondered what the boy had thought he was going to do, leave Ed here with no one to keep an eye on him while he rested, slowly healing? No Roy knew he was bad and often appeared heartless, but in reality the truth was he cared far too much. So he sat there and sat there, his dark, brown eyes never shifting from Ed's form, the silence had started off peaceful but as time slowly ticked by Roy could feel it growing heavy with the weight of his own pain.

    He shifted in the seat, trying to distract himself from his dark thoughts by taking his eyes off the blonde haired teenager and instead scanning his room, it was a rather plain room, kept organised to military precision as Roy had never been able to escape that tidiness once he'd been a part of the military for awhile. But now the lack of interesting things in his room drew his gaze back to Ed, lying there so still, so quietly in that bed and yet Roy could see the steady rise and fall of his chest teling him he still continued to rest.

    For a moment Roy's jaw worked as he watched Ed lie there, before he muttered"You know sometimes Ed, you're not wrong about me... I am on occasion a fool... You're just a kid... A kid I should have done more for, a kid I should of protected... This is my fault.. All of it.."His hands rose to his face as he let out a pained groaning sound, before shifting back in his seat.

    His dark eyes found Ed's sleeping face as he went on"I swore that if I could not protect everyone then I would at least protect everyone I cared about after Ishval... And yet even here, in another world, in another dimension I can do nothing but helplessly watch.... I should have stopped you... I should have done something..." His voice faded away and suddenly he couldn't bear it anymore, his gaze shifted from Ed to stare out the bedroom door in the direction of the lit fireplace as he spoke softly more to himself than to Edward"My fault..." A distant look in his dark gaze.
     
    Edward Elric likes this.
  2. Edward Elric

    Edward Elric Fullmetal Alchemist

    Posts:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Alchemist
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    16
    Roy might have thought he was asleep, but in fact Edward was anything but in that moment. He had been awake for a few good hours, irritated as it was the sound of a clock even in another room that had felt like the hands of time were pounding against the inside of his skull. But he didn't call for help or attention, lord knows he hated relying on anyone else and this was no different.

    He hadn't been left alone for long though.The colonel had joined him and whilst he was grateful that there were other noises he could now concentrate on, he didn't let it be known he was awake for he wondered what the man wanted. But he knew. Edward knew that Mustang had come here to speak his blame and self hatred - things the Elric had no interest in listening to. And yet, Edward found himself listening to the other alchemist, though a small frown had appeared on his features soon enough, one he couldn't stop and hide no matter how much he wanted to. Even then, he only had so much in him...

    Enough was enough.

    "Shut up..." Edward let the words trail off into the otherwise now silent room. It seemed to echo around the walls before it finally sunk into the wallpaper, Leaving the boy a few given moments as he figured what he wanted to say to the fool in a moment.
    "You're always blaming yourself for other's decisions. How're you going to be a leader, a better leader if you're like that?" Sighing softly to himself, the boy had shifted just a bit, rolling onto his side and looking at the colonel quietly so when the elder decided to lift his head, he might see a slither of what remained of the boy looking back at him once more.

    "And besides, who the hell do you think you're calling a kid?" There was no malice in his final words there, perhaps an echo of a laugh, but there was nothing more to it than that. It would have perhaps had the boy laughing at one point, but as he'd been pretty much confined to a bed for the last couple of days it was fair enough that the last thing he wanted to hear was Mustang blaming himself for something he had no control over.

    He was never good at these kinds of things.

    Sighing and rolling against his back once more, Edward sunk against the mattress before he draped his arm over his closed eyelids, his hand curled up into a tight fist out of frustration.
    "I'm fine." It was perhaps one of the biggest lies Edward had ever told and he knew it, he could taste it in his mouth and disliked how it sat with him as such. It was hard to swallow and to even start with, but it was there and if Roy had decided he wasn't buying it, then the teenager would just tell him to suck it up and that there was really nothing else to it. Another lie... But at least this one he didn't have to say.

    "Don't you have Morhall to be running?" He was looking for an escape, an excuse to be left alone once more so he didn't have to pretend that he wasn't terrified of being left alone or seeing the colonel in such a damn rage again. But he'd do anything, even now, to get Roy to stop being so damn hard on himself.
    "I'm sure your people need you. So help them, why don't you? If I need anything I'll let you know." Turning his head, Edward kept his ace towards the wall, out of Mustang's sight.

    Typical Edward, hiding behind a strong facade when all he wanted to do was to cry.
     
    Roy Mustang likes this.
  3. Roy Mustang

    Roy Mustang Fullmetal Alchemist

    Posts:
    138
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    29/30
    His gaze was drawn from the direction of the main room, where the fireplace was by a voice commanding him to shut up, startled his dark, brown gaze tpun to fix upon Ed. It seemed the boy was not as asleep as he had thought, Mustang shifted in his seat as Ed went on, giving him a lecture. Since when had he started accepting lectures from the boy? His dark, brown eyes shifted to Ed's face as the other rolled to face him and their gazes met, for a moment he felt like he was looking into the eyes of the old Ed, not the tortured creature they'd brought back from the vampires lair. Then Ed was ccarrying on, asking him who he was calling a kid, an ironic bitterness tinged his words and Roy wondered if Ed thought just because of what he'd been through meant he no longer classed as a child.

    His hands curled on the arms of his chair, if Ed thought like that, that was his fault to, he was the one who had made Ed see the reality of the world. Before then he'd suffered a terrible trauma, but he'd still held a naive faith in the world, in people and Roy knew that his involvement in Ed's life had all but destroyed that. He said nothing, just stared back at Ed, noting as the young man rolled back onto his back the sigh that escaped him as if he gave up on him because of his silence. Then there were Ed's next two words, even the way he said them dripped with the lie he now told and Roy's surprised, face fell back into his usual brooding expression and he raised an eyebrow at Ed's final words too him, before letting out a snort as he spoke"I have three comrades and plenty of understudies who will keep Morhall running smoothly for the time being, so right now I have nowhere else to be and besides, you're in my home so to be a good host I should be here...."

    His words came out smoothly, the tiniest of smirks played across his brooding expression before fading as he went on more seriously"You know you are an awful liar... But then you are a kid trying to play the adults game when it comes to truths and lies.." He did not know if he would get a reaction from Ed at that, the old Ed would of reacted with a loss of temper but the current Ed, he felt as if he was more likely to give him a dead stare. He shifted in his seat, leaning back, eyeing the kid in his bed in silence once more unsure what to say now, the guilt still gnawed at his insides and now, knowing Ed had heard him the guilt burned only more because the boy thought that of this, he was not guilty and he was mistaken. His dark gaze dropped away from Ed, looking back towards the living room, towards the flames, as slowly all his misdeeds, all his failures began to creep back into his mind.
     
    Edward Elric likes this.
  4. Edward Elric

    Edward Elric Fullmetal Alchemist

    Posts:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Alchemist
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    16
    "I'm not your guest-" Edward surprised even himself at how badly he snapped the response and so suddenly as well, biting his tongue as he sighed and added on in a quieter tone, though no less bitter.
    "I'm your burden right now." He was no guest. He'd never really been a guest, not when he visited the Colonel to report to him and not now when he had been brought to his house to rest up. Edward was a burden here and he was sorry for that, though he would hide that apology behind a certain indifference he was still trying to convince himself he felt. But the alchemist knew it wasn't indifference, it was a void inside of him that had been rotting at his emotions and festering inside of him for the time he had been at the mercy of a nightmare.

    One that still kept him up at night.

    Those unnerving and cat-like eyes of his shot over to Mustang when he mentioned being a bad liar, again knowing another time he might have told the older man to shut the hell up and ask him what he knew about being an adult when he sucked at it himself. Bluffs and meaningless threats, but they were what made Edward who he was and he wasn't doing them now, he was losing himself. No amount of guilty looking Mustang hiding behind that insufferable smirk of his in his presence was going to make him feel bad enough to change it either. Besides, letting go had always been easier.

    But wasn't that how it had been for a while? Edward playing an adult's game? He'd signed him and his brother into a game he hadn't realised all the ramifications of until it was far too late. He found Mustang's words to leave a bittersweet taste in his mouth and he would do anything to spit them back out, to tell the Colonel he could stick it, like he might have some time ago before things had changed.
    "Yeah well, my career wasn't based on telling people's lies. And no one stuck around long enough to teach me how they did it so well." Edward's eyes had crawled from the space beside him on the blank wall to the ceiling, watching the shadows cast against the plaster there from behind the curtains he insisted were always drawn in his room, so no light, no matter the kind, would touch him.

    He even insisted on the lamps being dull and out of his line of sight.

    As she shadows danced in front of him, the alchemist thought he would have to speak up next considering how Mustang had gone silent on him. But what was he supposed to say?
    "You shouldn't have come to get me. You knew the risks. You could have even left when you realised what you were up against. If any of you had gotten- g-gotten-..." Edward couldn't even bring himself to say the word 'hurt' let alone the thought of the monster getting its claws into any of them and doing more than harm. What if things had gone horribly wrong? What if one of them had been lost because Edward had been so desperate for more answers that he'd gotten himself in a mess he couldn't get out of on his own? He'd have never forgiven himself for such a thing.

    "Next time, just leave me and promise to look after Alphonse." As much as Edward wished there wouldn't even be a possibility of a next time, he knew it was a lie. There would be more times he'd look death in the eye and hear his mother calling to him again, promising if he let go that the pain he carried with him would disappear once and for all. But the guilt of leaving Alphonse behind would ruin what was supposed to be his eternal peace forever, and he couldn't have that. Just like he couldn't have Roy blaming himself for something that wasn't his fault at all.
    "Morhall found itself a good leader. Don't let it go to waste so soon, Colonel."
     
    Roy Mustang likes this.
  5. Roy Mustang

    Roy Mustang Fullmetal Alchemist

    Posts:
    138
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    29/30
    It seemed the blonde boy was angry to be considered a guest, when his self pitying mind told him he was a burden. That made Roy burn inside, the boy was no burden, not now, not ever and yet something kept him from speaking, perhaps it was the fact that Ed was responding to his words about being a bad liar. The teenagers laid a low blow on him which knocked aside his anger, it faded from his veins and he felt himself climbing towards the eternal abyss. The silence held, his dark, gaze remained distant as he allowed the guilt to climb up his spine but then Ed was speaking and Roy felt a weight sink into his gut. The fire was back beneath his skin, running through his veins, how could Ed say this? How could he expect him to stand by? Let him die? No he'd lost to much to accept this. He gripped the arms of the chair as Ed asked him to promise to leave him and look after Al, his gaze stayed focused towards the fire in the main room of the apartment.

    His posture was stiff, tense even as he heard Ed pay him a compliment, usually the compliment would of warmed his heart, made him proud, but he couldn't accept it like this, not after the request the boy had just made of him. Slowly Mustang shifted, leaning forwards in the seat he sat in, burying his tired face in his hands and quietly his brain ticked, in overtime. He was still silent not sure if he could trust himself to speak as he tried to decide between a rare show of honesty or the telling of a lie to end the conversation. He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes for a moment before deciding on a small show of honest as he spoke softly, in a tired voice"Though I am grateful for your compliments Edward... You do not know what you ask of me..." He let out a quiet groan, before looking slowly up, examining the blonde teenager in the bed as he shifted back in the seat before he spoke again, his voice soft"I can't make that promise... I just... Can't."

    He thought of Ishval then, of all he'd lost, of all those he'd had to leave to their fates, of all his failures to protect those he'd sworn to protect and then his memory shifted to Maes death, he could not lose another one. Its why he'd fought so hard, so desperately to get Riza back when she'd been kidnapped and again with Ed, he could not allow anyone else to be lost to him, he's sworn an oath to protect the few since he could not protect the many as Ishval had shown him. Even though these thoughts plagued his mind he could not bring himself to explain so simply went on his voice getting a little of its usual businesslike tone to it "As for Al, whatever happened... Whatever happens he's in good hands Fullmetal, we're not going to leave him alone on the side of the street... Though if you are concerned perhaps we should write up some kind of will explaining who gets custody of him should anything happen..." Not that I will let anything happen... He added silently, to himself, his unreadabe brown gaze on Ed as he sat there, watching over him.
     
    Edward Elric likes this.