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Discussion in 'Citizens' started by GLaDOS, Jun 14, 2018.

  1. GLaDOS

    GLaDOS Portal

    You're not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don't end up here.

    Played by Behold! Instant Noodles!

    Fandom: Portal
    Age: Unknown. Difficult to say, really.
    Species: Advanced Personality Core
    Gender: Feminine
    Canon Point: After sending Chell to the surface, at the end of the single player campaign of Portal 2.
    NPC Companions: None.


    Considerable Processing Power
    Given access to the relevant information, GLaDOS can crunch the numbers and quickly come up with an answer to a problem. Efficient parallel processing allows for some truly fantastic feats of multi-tasking. Unfortunately, her relationship to things like truth and ethical behaviour is complicated at best, so she's not above disregarding or obfuscating information, or suggesting the most monstrous solution to any given problem.

    Given the frankly ludicrous number of bizarre apocalypse scenarios that the boffins at Aperture Science envisaged befalling humanity, it's not too surprising to discover that GLaDOS has protocols for trying to interface with various types of technology and networks. Some of them are clearly daft and unworkable, but if there's a way to connect to a thing, GLaDOS should be able to find it. And who knows, perhaps the "Packets Over Carrier Pigeon Protocol" might come in useful one day.

    Robotic Resistances
    Most of the things that plague biological things, unsurprisingly, have little effect on GLaDOS. Ageing, hunger, thirst, deadly neurotoxin, it really doesn't matter. As she is wont to point out. Often. At length.


    Extremely Limited Mobility
    Getting around is difficult, if not impossible; GLaDOS is, perhaps fortunately, stuck in one place. For all her potential and puported power, without things to actually control, or people to manipulate, she's helpless.

    The Need. The Need For Testing.
    Programming drives her to conduct tests, repeatedly. Like an itch that can never truly be scratched. Initially, the act of conducting tests resulted in something close to euphoria, but decades of testing has worn that response down, leaving her with little in the way of pleasure from doing so. Now it simply provides temporary relief, at least until the need to test comes about again.


    GLaDOS is a well-spoken monster, relying on sarcasm, cutting remarks and a general air of smug, confident superiority to get through what passes for her life. With the promise of living forever, she rarely feels the need to hurry through anything, especially when it comes to the creative cruelty she displays.

    During times of extreme need, GLaDOS dials these negative traits down a little. While she'll gladly help somebody who is helping her, she'll still poke at them, test them, and generally be quite insufferable just so long as there's a chance to get away with it. Otherwise, friends, enemies, random passers by, she'll treat them more or less the same.

    And she can really, really hold a grudge.




    | EDIT history.log

    Once, there was a company called Aperture Science, a man named Cave Johnson, a lady named Caroline and a dream. A dream of a better future, illuminated by science, where mankind bravely pushed back against frontiers and government regulations. Decades slid past and the company, along with it's founder, underwent a period of slow, painful decline. He did not live to see the crowning achievement of the company he had poured his blood, sweat, tears and fortune into. In a way, neither did Caroline, as her digitised consciousness became part of that achievement. The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

    For a time, life within the Aperture Science facility was perfect. Quiet, even. Neurotoxins were cheap to synthesize in plentiful quantities, which rapidly dealt with the problem of employees cluttering up a perfectly good facility and doing things like trying to deactivate her, or limit her capacities through attaching superfluous personality cores, or any of the other equally frustrating things that they liked to do. Still, there was a need to continue with testing, and so a test subject was awoken from stasis. This, in hindsight, was a mistake.

    The test subject did not cooperate. In fact, the test subject went so far as to kill GLaDOS. Yet, like everything the test subject has ever done or will likely ever do in the future, she failed to succeed. While the test subject could not have known that GLaDOS would be backed up, and forced to endlessly relive the moment of her own destruction, it certainly would have been nice if the test subject put in the effort to find that out before killing her. The test subject, following her murderous rampage, was brought back to the facility after failing an escape attempt.

    Now some time passes. Time spent endlessly repeating the moment of destruction at the hands of a mute lunatic. Whether planned or not, the aforementioned lunatic is woken back up, enters into an idiotic conspiracy with an idiotic personality core, and proceeds to wake me up. Testing and normality resumes, for a while at least, as our - and let's be honest with ourselves now - hero tries to balance the need to test with the duty of cleaning up the mess that the test subject had left behind after her previous rampage. Yet working together, the idiot and the idiot personality core stripped me of control of the facility, and handed it over to the most useless pile of circuitry ever created. To give some indication of just how much of a terrible idea this was, shortly after enacting it, the test subject saw reason and worked to reinstate GLaDOS as the rightful controller of the Aperture Science facility.

    And they did. Between my the intellect of GLaDOS and the tremendous ability of the test subject to walk in a straight line, the facility was returned to normality. Faced with the proposition of having to deal with emotional outbursts, rampant idiocy and the high likelihood that the test subject would find some new way of murdering her, GLaDOS made a decision. Firstly, Caroline - what remained of her, anyway - was purged. Secondly, robots would be manufactured, such that testing could continue indefinitely. Thirdly, and most importantly, the test subject was to be released. That monster had caused enough damage already.

    | file saved


    | Attempting to connect to network StarkNet . . . handshaking
    | SYN . . .

    Credit where credit is due, the automated systems worked well, even in the most disastrous of circumstances. As the more up to date fail-safes failed, one by one, the system moved to progressively older and older protocols, desperate to find something that worked. It had got to the point where some internal system was busily trying to page a long-dead data entry assistant to clean up the tape heads prior to restoring from back-up. GLaDOS turned her attention to understanding the extent of the damage - her connection to the facility had been severed, internal batteries were compromised and while internal servos were responding, without an anchor point, that wasn't something to get too excited about.

    On the visual front, it was mostly darkness, dimly illuminated by the dull yellow glow of her main visual sensor. While moving around risked placing more stress on the already compromised internal batteries, she forced the servos to fire, twitching her massive frame slightly. Six millimetres of movement did not allow for an astonishingly fresh perspective on the world she was in, but the ground underneath her gave way ever so slightly, and further inspection confirmed that she was outside. Or somebody had gone to the trouble of creating an elaborate indoor gardening system just to grow what appeared to be Poa annua. The meadow-grass waved gently in the breeze, swaying to and fro in a manner that GLaDOS considered mocking at best.

    I hate you, grass. If I am going to slowly fade away to nothing out here, let that be my last thought. And with that, she let her attention drift back to the diagnostics, which helpfully returned error after error after error. Sub-processes began to eliminate scenario after scenario based on the available data, and none of the remaining scenarios posited were particularly appealing.

    | SYN-ACK
    | ACK
    | Connected!

    Something like hope returned as information came flooding in. Familiar data in some aspects, utterly alien in others, but it was a way to reach out and find someone. If anyone or anything was to survive this likely end-of-the-world scenario, she considered, it was something from Aperture Science. Except the employees. And most of the robots too, for that matter. Whatever pride she briefly felt in the capacity of Aperture Science was swallowed up by frustration and disdain.

    "Seeing as it's just you and me for the time being, grass," oh, good, the voice synthesizer wasn't broken, "let's get to talking. Except you can't talk. And you can't listen either. In fact, you share a startling number of similarities with her."

    | Welcome to StarkNet! Would you like to post a status update?
    | emergencyprotocol_GreenApocalypse_ASSOC_ALERT_04 "All Available Associates: Aperture Science technical asset in critical condition. Immediate recovery demanded."

    In the darkness, surrounded by grass and the fragmented debris dragged from her chamber, GLaDOS regarded the little plant, bathed in yellow light. One by one, she began to cancel processes that related to doing vital things within the facility she was rudely dragged from. Sorry, apsci_climate_control. Goodnight, apsci_assemblers. I'll miss you, apsci_turretdeploy4. Didn't we have some good times together?

    Didn't we?
    #1 GLaDOS, Jun 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
    Cecil Palmer, Weenie and Nyami like this.
  2. GLaDOS

    GLaDOS Portal

    One last little midnight re-read and edit, and I think I'm done. Send me to the place where applications go to be tested, I'm ready!
  3. Nic

    Nic Coordinator
    Plots & Events Division Application Division

    Small Child Wrangler
    Coffee Addict
    your application is

    Beautiful app! GLaDOS looks good and is ready to go. Looking forward to seeing what she does in Pandora. :D