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Private infinitesimal

Discussion in 'Pandopolis City' started by Kokichi Ouma, May 5, 2019.

  1. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    MAY 1ST, YEAR 108

    Comfortable sheets underneath Kokichi's body served as stark contrast to the cold, hard ground that he'd become all too familiar with. Itching against his skin, although such a concept was ridiculous, he'd wear his shirt to bed and scarcely found it comfortable going without it. Despite the fact that he could never go back, could never return, the scarf remained tied around his neck and he'd idly count its pattern whenever he wasn't doodling or cycling through plans within his brain. It's a silly thing, really; he didn't even lead much of anything here. Certainly he pushed in the right direction as he always did but the listless thought crawled like poison within his brain that that wasn't the same, and such an Ultimate talent meant very little if it wasn't put to use - even Shuichi managed to find practicality in a place like this, settled in like it became his new home and perhaps it was better than the killing game and he probably sustained some fucked up version of Stockholm Syndrome for longing for the return of such routine but it was better, maybe, than being surrounded by the mediocrity that was average life after strife. Cynically he may have recounted an experience similar to that of a soldier but he'd hardly supported any kind of honor to earn such prestige.

    As it always did, such thoughts remained trapped within his thinkhole and even his companion scarcely caught onto it. He was sure Shuichi had, at the very least, a guilt complex for leaving Kokichi all by his lonesome at home while he was off to work but Kokichi thought himself, paramount above all else, an understanding sorta fella. Besides, it wasn't as if he couldn't entertain himself or anything. He just...didn't. Didn't try to. He remained a miserable litle Creacher . Thatse It . A leech and a stain as he had been back within the killing game proper. A potential target, even. So it was all he could do for him, right? Smile whenever Shuichi entered the building and maybe take his mind off of things for a little while. They danced a little dance and Kokichi was aware of it but at the same time, who was he to breach it once again? Especially when he continuously struggled to wrap his head around the idea that Shuichi would want to spend some time with him at all. Kokichi was a risk taker but he wasn't stupid; everything could be upheaved from underneath him at any time and trying to push it too far would go more sour for him than it would for his pretty boy landlord.

    The sound of the doorbell always made Kokichi freeze up and something was decidedly off about him every time and he didn't even try to get the door in the case that, should he open it, a body would be sitting nicely and freshly upon the porch. Politeness be damned, Kokichi was thankful that Shuichi more so had a tendency to open the door now or knock on it instead. Not just this door, any door, really. The call of Kokichi's name wound up with him greasing up the ball of energy as he charged over to the door and to Shuichi before he could even manage to fully say 'I'm home!' Not the word Kokichi would associate with this place, but! He might not be able to do that with any place so it'll have to do. And besides, he was genuinely glad that Shuichi was back, even if the little curls of gray underneath his eyes may suggest that he wasn't all there insomuch as physically present.

    "Saihara-chan! I missed you!" Kokichi greeted him boisterously as he ran up to him, grin present on his face. "What did you get me now, huh? Your king demands to know if you've pulled off an adequate sacrifice, peasant!" Kokichi played up his childishness because it was the easiest thing to do. Normal behaviors that he hid behind and although such lips were plastic, it was fantastic. Just like the Barbie doll song! Or was that referring to her boobs? He hadn't listened to it for some time so who knows?

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  2. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    Shuichi still wasn't entirely used to coming to a home.
    He had a job, in a place that wasn't dangerous. He had a house to sleep in, with a kitchen and a living room. If he didn't solve a murder, it didn't end in another execution, just got passed on to someone else, and he'd get a donut, or food as a reward for trying his best. There was no voting, no trial, no need to be so tense. His job just gave him money, nothing more.

    It was a strange existence. He felt the Killing Game in every aspect of his life, despite being the farthest away from it than he had ever been. The Game gave him his skills, his instincts, and anyone he had ever cared about. Every skill he used was tainted with it's memory. Every time he argued a point he was praised for his debating skills, that were forged in a crucible of screaming teenagers, all trying to figure out who among them had killed another and considered the rest expendable. He hated how it cloaked him, how the memories burned like fire in his mind's eye, searing their marks into his soul. The faintest thing would fire a memory into full clarity... A witness only yesterday had used a perfume that smelled like Akamatsu-san and he'd had to excuse himself to prevent the bile that rose in his throat at the sudden, burning image of her body from spilling out in polite company.
    And that wasn't even counting the ghost that lived with him. Kokichi Ouma, a perfect freeze in time of a moment before disaster. He had to be. He knew too much to be anything before Gonta's trial, and yet was far too pristine to be from the actions that set his death in motion. That was an amount of time that lasted for barely a few days... Kokichi knew so much and at the same time too little, far far too little.

    Shuichi was living a great lie on his stability in Pandora, standing on pillars made of sand that were threatening any second to tumble down.

    "Ouma-kun!"
    He pushed into the house, and barely got out the "I'm hom-" before Kokichi barreled into view like a grape-purple rocket, demanding his tribute with that childish grin on his face. Shuichi gave him a smile that he hoped didn't look as tired as it felt. Damn it, nobody could lie well to the King of Liars, and knowing the truth made his identity itself a lie... Living a lie, hah. He hadn't been all there since Kaito's trial.

    "I bought a bag of red gummy fish." He took the aforementioned bag of sweets out of his messenger bag with a faint, amused smile. "Is this adequate tribute for my transgressions, M'lord?"
     
    #2 Shuichi Saihara, May 6, 2019
    Last edited: May 6, 2019
    Kokichi Ouma likes this.
  3. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    Decidedly off, that was how Shuichi was, but then, that's how he always was. A hidden agony bubbling underneath the surface - and Kokichi wished it to be a physical enemy he could combat, but alas. He at least managed a smile and seemed a little amused, but Kokichi didn't like having to fall back on smaller victories to make himself feel better. Especially not for someone he felt he had to at least attempt to take care of. After all, that's what Shuichi was doing for him, wasn't he? Letting him stay for free and he needed to make himself at least somewhat useful if he was going to mooch. Careful examination with hands laced behind his head as Shuichi brought out sweets from his messenger bag permitted him to see the exhaustion that he tried so hard to hide.

    For the time being, he simply let it go, snagging the bag from Shuichi's hands (if his fingers brushed over them, well, he certainly didn't draw attention to that! why would Kokichi sneak a touch, after all? hee-hee) and immediately pulling it open with a finger so he could start popping the gummy fish into his mouth. "Maybe a little," Kokichi drawled without even bothering to swallow first. "You can never go wrong with candy. I have to eat it to survive, you know?" He did not, but what did it matter? It was candy. And Kokichi scarcely had the appetite to manage to eat anything healthy. Perhaps his roomie would fuss over that but he fussed over everything so how much credence could he give that, really?


    He bounded away from Shuichi in the living room as he continued to shove fish into his mouth mercilessly, biting into their tiny candy GUTS. "I'd ask you if you had fun at work," Kokichi's eyes glinted, "but we both know I'm totally the highlight of your day and it couldn't be that fun if it didn't involve me." He didn't believe that at all; maybe Shuichi actually got some work done. And maybe Kokichi was just preventing himself from asking the three words directly that he really wanted to ask. The dance continued, spiraling endlessly around itself, and as usual he wasn't the first one to break it.

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  4. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    Kokichi was staring at him, and he knew it instinctively, a gaze that made him want to hide behind something or cower behind his hat, intense enough that it sparked memories of his fabricated past. He tried his best not to shudder under the purple searchlights that swept his soul and revealed nothing of what they saw. Kokichi bounded forwards the take the gummy fish and his fingertips usually wouldn't be anything of interest, but Shuichi was already tense and tired enough that the brush felt like fire, or electricity, and he experienced a paradoxical sensation of both hating and craving the contact. He tried to keep his hands from trembling.

    He followed his cheery housemate further into the living space, shutting and automatically locking the front door behind him as he did. Kokichi was speaking, but Shuichi was only half-listening as he hung his bag up. How much longer would the pillars keep him upright in the face of such a damaging blow to his psyche? How did you even begin to reconcile something like that when you had nowhere to fall once you did? Shuichi Saihara was all he'd ever known, there was nowhere to fall if he let go, but holding on was killing him slowly.

    "Work was normal." He shrugged lightly, tugging at a lock of hair as he tried to recall. "Boring, nothing interesting really happened... I think there was one case of a lady who lost her bag in one of the corner stores but she just forgot it in the bathroom..."
     
  5. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    Hmmmmmph. Wavering contact, seemingly barely paying attention, ho boy, that wasn't good! Kokichi didn't like that at all. The way that Shuichi seemed to barely pay him much mind, half-listening to his words as they went through one ear and out the other - sure, he said a lot of bullshit and he'd be the first to admit that much, but it was a little different having someone just tune him out entirely instead of saying 'hey, that's bullshit'. Sure, Shuichi answered the question but with that disquieted, detached tone that indicated that his mind was a million miles away. And it wasn't as if Kokichi didn't want to learn where it went, oh no, but he couldn't do even that if Shuichi wouldn't be here with him.

    Which was why he swerved on his heel, then abruptly stood on his tippy toes as he made his way back over to Shuichi and shoved one of the gummies that he was currently holding up against his lips.

    "You should really try these! You can taste it, can't you? There's something off about them." Kokichi's eyes gleamed knowingly as he held it there for him to take. Or bite out of his hand, one or the other. The latter sounded kinky but as if Shuichi would ever do something like that. For...fun reasons. Not that Shuichi was dull, far from it, but rather that he wasn't the type to really fully indulge even on a good day. "It's weird. I feel like...they're actually produced by aliens who are trying to take over our brains from the inside. It goes into our stomach and then crawls up our esophagus and strikes us when we least know it..."

    Honestly, he was spewing utter nonsense that sounded vaguely relevant to whatever it was that Shuichi was thinking about. As interesting as a ho hum story about a woman losing her bag was, he was far more interested in getting Shuichi's brain tapped onward rather than a million yards away.

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
    Shuichi Saihara likes this.
  6. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    Kokichi pressed a gummy fish against his mouth, and he was out of it enough that the touch startled him, the scent of sugar wafting into his nose. Kokichi's eyes glittered like jewels and Shuichi found himself faltering yet again as Kokichi's words worked themselves into the cracks in Shuichi's shields. He was still spouting nonsense while Shuichi struggled against the growing breaks within him.

    He wasn't sure if Kokichi was taunting or if something else was going on, and he honestly didn't have the energy for it to be a taunt, or a coax into a mind game that would give him a headache later. He just wanted to maybe lay down for an hour, or forever. Just take a nap until his emotions sorted themselves out and he could go back to being a living person.

    He gently pushed the fish away with a small chuckle. "You've been watching too much science fiction..." Though he had to admit, the thought of a gummy fish crawling up someone's throat was kind of morbidly funny. It sounded like that really popular movie about the chest-bursting alien, just maybe less bloody. Maybe. The thought was entertaining until it reminded him of Monophanie's... Experience during Gonta's execution, and then the image soured considerably. He moved over to the couch and sat down, leaning back into the cushions and closing his eyes. The routine just got harder and harder every day...
     
  7. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    Previously, Kokichi really hadn't been taunting, trying to burrow a little bit into the cracks that visibly made themselves known to him. But as he watched Shuichi's expression fall and change, and as his mind worked to figure out exactly what it was that caused this change in mood - Kokichi's face darkened. If he got it right, which he had little doubt he did, he saw the same thing behind mind's eye that often haunted Kokichi at night and he would never, ever let on about. As he traversed over to the couch and sat down upon it, Kokichi stood there with the fish loosely hanging out of his hand, the images calling upon bile he never let himself the chance to release anywhere. Once again, same verse, new verse, he swallowed it back despite the way that it rattled his brain, as a man's cries and the sound of beetle's wings flooded his ears...or was that the sound of rushing blood? Nowadays they sounded the same.

    "I think it just bugs you," he piped up mercilessly as he sidled up behind the couch and crossed his arms over its back. Wording deliberate and meticulous and biting straight for the killing artery much like a snake, fangs poised to inject a victim with poison. His arms dangled as he stared right at Shuichi; he didn't like looking at him from behind and with his eyes closed, difficult to tell what he was feeling and going through like that. "Wonder what kinda bastard would make you watch something like that. If it happened IRL... What would you do?" Him. He's the bastard. He's the one who made Shuichi watch that.

    Easy to fall into the villain routine again, better than feeling something for once. I had to, I had to. Kokichi's smile grew wider in response like he went through plastic surgery to get it permanently stitched there. 'What would you do' wasn't even really a hypothetical question. He'd tell the person who made him watch it that he was pathetic and he would always be alone. Shuichi's words still revolved around within his brain and he wondered, not for the first time, when he would snap out of whatever trance he was in, pitiable, that made him decide to keep Kokichi with him and ride back on the train to reality. Maybe whenever, or if, Kaito got here. He always had a tendency to pick Kaito's side, after all, and Kokichi didn't expect that to change.

    Growing jealousy aside, Kokichi moved to cover it up again, "You think so too, right? That it might still be here?" What is 'it'? Kokichi sure wasn't going to elaborate!

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  8. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    Shuichi felt his teeth grit slightly at the wording, the way Kokichi's voice twisted the phrase so they both knew exactly what was being referred to. He opened his eyes with a flash of irritability as Kokichi prattled into another sentence, watching the other ramble. Sure, they were still technically talking about a hypothetical science fiction horror movie, but the underlying awareness they both had of what was really being discussed gave Shuichi enough energy to bite... Just, it wasn't constructive. It would be an angry bite, and that was what Kokichi wanted. He wanted a reaction out of him, for a reason he really wasn't even sure of. Spite stayed Shuichi's tongue for the moment as he glared straight up at his clownish companion

    The following question simply made his shoulders sag. He was hoping to avoid this topic, and he shifted so they weren't face to face any more, looking at his lap. "If you mean the Killing Game, Ouma-kun, I don't actually think one exists here... Pandora might be a connecting area, maybe like a waiting room for a Killing Game, but I don't really understand the whole process if it is..."
    He ran fingers through his hair and closed his eyes again. "Too many people, who have been here too long, with too much stability, with no outside intervention besides Pandora's vines. This kind of environment isn't conducive to a game on such a massive scale, and if it was smaller, why? Nobody watches that for fun here, it seems... Why fund it otherwise?"
     
  9. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    The proximity of their faces at any other moment might have been a cherished one. When Shuichi's eyes opened he felt his breath against his cheeks, but it did little to bring about any color within his own because he knew what he could read within them - irritation. Kokichi wasn't sure why he kept poking this particular bear but maybe he was waiting for some predictability. He still didn't know why Shuichi held him here. He didn't know why he wanted to support him. Shuichi wouldn't tell him a damn thing and it frustrated him beyond belief. Not that the detective had ever been an open book and in fact he'd been the furthest thing from of any of their classmates, but Kokichi thought he had a pretty good read on and could connect the dots on why Shuichi did a particular thing after he did it. Now? He had absolutely no idea. He just knew that Shuichi knew something that Kokichi himself did not.

    And Kokichi hated that.

    Shuichi shifted away from him and Kokichi watched him as he dismissed the idea of a killing game. Something something about people having been here for such a long time with stability and Shuichi hadn't considered the idea that any of these people could be in on it? Or perhaps that it was one of those slowburns? Maybe they thought they'd been here for years, but they weren't actually. So many possibilities that Kokichi could consider all at once and none of them was he going to spoonfeed to him, not when Shuichi wouldn't tell him what it was that gnawed on his mind and brought him to barely sustaining sleep.

    Granted, Kokichi never told him what bothered him either, but if Shuichi just stopped to think about it it wouldn't be difficult to figure out.

    "Hmm. That's what you think, huh?" Kokichi climbed up the back of the couch and sat right on top of it, legs planted on the cushions below. He eyed him before he said, "You really like to trust everything that you see around you, don't you?" His tone was unusually soft, different from the teasing, jeering tone; it was a question he legitimately wanted answered. His face changed from the plastered smile to something with pursed lip and narrowed eyes. "All of this is dulling your edge. Maybe because if there's a code there to decipher, you don't want to. You don't want to return to that place. But unfortunately for you, if we're there...you don't exactly have a choice. None of us did the first time, after all."

    He tilted his head back to stare up at the ceiling. "You know, Saihara-chan? I don't get you." And there it was.

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  10. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    Kokichi clambered up the couch and Shuichi prepared himself for a wave of laughter, or something equally jester-esque or demonic, but instead... Kokichi softened, which threw Shuichi off enough to go quiet, and then soften as well. His eyes found Kokichi, without a smile, with that blank, slightly bothered expression he wore in moments of truth. He remained quiet to let the other finish speaking before attacking any of his phrases.

    "... If I haven't lived it I can't trust it any more." He admitted quietly, curling up one leg onto the couch, and refusing eye contact. "What I can see and feel with my own senses is all I can trust completely... Moreover if this was a Killing Game, who is it for? It can't be us, you-"
    He cut himself off. Reroute the phrase, don't tell Kokichi he died-
    "... You and I aren't... Part of another cast any more. That I know for certain. If this is a Game, it can't be for us, but if it's the entirety of Pandora the pool is too large -- and then you approach the issue that murders are still a thing here, and regular trials happen and fail and nobody dies -- the two of us is too small, and Pandora's entire... Thing about taking people in whenever it wants... I know that has to be true and unstaged, so how do you even control randomized time travel? Monokuma hadn't mastered regular time travel yet and made no reference to it, nor were any references made in our memories. The ability to maintain the rules of the Game is practically nulled if people fall in and out at random and from completely alternate points in their timelines... There's too many moving parts, there's too much to keep ahold of for Pandora to be a Killing Game itself. The waiting room for one, I could believe, but then we get... Back to the issue of you and me, and how we can't possibly be part of another group. If Pandora is not a Killing Game, nor the preparation site for one, it must be what the testimony says: A world where people are here finitely, fall in and out, and in between those moments, they live normal lives."

    The final comment made him laugh, just faintly, and sigh, making eye contact again. "You don't get me? I thought you had me completely figured out, Ouma-kun."
     
  11. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    Kokichi listened to this whole spiel and admittedly, Shuichi did have a point with all of it. But honestly, the part that he latched onto most strongly was the way that he cut himself off there. And then the 'randomized time travel' part - not to mention Shuichi's reaction when he saw him...

    The little faint laughter and the way that he said that last thing made Kokichi pout. "Hey! Don't laugh at me you - you bully! I'm gonna tell Momma Naoto-chan that you're making fun of me!" Mostly he placed on an act because he liked Shuichi's laugh and thought he could afford to do it more. That, and it permitted him to stall for time on how he was going to process information that he'd been told. Not just Shuichi's lengthy reasoning, of course. The lengthy reasoning was hardly difficult to understand; too many factors to control for in order for a killing game to be organized and thus this couldn't possibly function as a killing game and thinking otherwise might border on conspiracy theory levels, though Kokichi was pretty sure that parts of the truth even back home had been fantastical enough that such a theory would not be out of place. Rather, it was something else about what Shuichi suggested, implied, that stuck out like sticky tape within Kokichi's mind.

    With a detached observation he placed the pieces together as if they were bits of milk puzzles he'd solved, attaching the teeth in the ways that only made the most logical sense. If not jammed too far together they spelled out a conclusion pretty black-and-white, with the only gaps possibly being why Shuichi possibly cared about such an event. Kokichi likened the feeling that this revelation brought him to floating within an endless expanse of space without being a part of it; he observed his own conversation with Shuichi and himself within that space as his mind struggled to reconcile this conclusion of what he knew of his own body. Placed thought and the blood bubbled within his veins and his chest still shifted as he breathed and still could he see something besides utter nothingness. Logic offered an explanation, but it was different than actually placing himself in his shoes.

    It was, essentially, an uncanny experience of being told you'd done something, went through something dramatic, and had no memory of it.

    He sobered slowly; there was only one way to find out if what he deduced was correct. But would Shuichi tell the truth? Then again, he was a terrible fucking liar, so in asking the question itself he'd receive his answer, most likely.

    "Did I die, Saihara-chan?"

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  12. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    The 'Momma Naoto-chan' made him laugh again and this time it was less tired, just slightly more alive. The image of Kokichi tattling on Shuichi to Naoto was made all the funnier by the fact that they were both older than her, and the fact that Kokichi would, in fact, absolutely do that.

    The smile died when Kokichi asked that question.

    It was like Kokichi had thrown a switch, any emotion on Shuichi's face crumbled to dust, and the shields that were down only moments before instinctively jumped back up. The image of the hydraulic press burned across his mind's eye and he swallowed thickly, trying not to be sick. Did he die? Shuichi couldn't lie to the King of Liars, and a lie here would only make matters worse... But the truth. How did you look someone in the eyes and tell them they died? How did you even begin to cope with the idea that you died? The questions rattling in his head were drowning out his thoughts, and his eyes burned with unshed tears.

    He looked away, down, swallowed again, and shut his eyes.

    The "Yes." Was barely said, almost whispered. "Yes. You did, Ouma-kun."
     
  13. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    Kokichi mourned the loss of the laughter that he managed to coax out of Shuichi - he might have even regretted speaking, had the answer not been so important for his fundamental understanding of him. How Shuichi had been behaving, the way he tip-toed around the subject, how he'd thrown his arms around him and all appeared forgiven. Some pieces still remained missing but the fact that Shuichi's face fell like that answered him before Shuichi's mouth did. A kind of creeping existential horror raced up his spine; stomach acid that he had to swallow back threatened to rise but there remained a distant way that he observed his own body within his head, that it somehow didn't exist as an extension of him but rather something he'd left behind. Would that make...Pandora purgatory of some sort? No - Kokichi knew better to believe in bullshit like that, but then again...

    He shook his head once, and then again as he leaned his head back, both as an attempt to thwart off the nausea and to attempt to get his head clear as it should be, why was he having trouble thinking straight? He wasn't dead, was he? No... Of course not. He wasn't dead in his current state at all.

    "Huh," was the first thing he said, finally, after battling waves after waves of questions, all of which stemming from one place: how did I die? Did...Shuichi do it? No, no. He trusted him, didn't he? And Shuichi appeared distressed, but... But that could be guilt, couldn't it? Kokichi ran his fingers through his hair stressfully, gently tugging upon it to use the sensation to bring him back to earth, back away from wherever space it wanted to float toward. The knots in his stomach alleviated only slightly in response to the action but only slightly was enough. Shallow breaths turned longer as he closed his eyes. He just continued to struggle. Continued to struggle to wrap his head around the fact that...that he...

    "... Who killed me?" He needed to know that much at least. If he had an idea, he knew who to avoid. Who would threaten his life? Despite everything, a good portion of him was still sure that Shuichi didn't do it, wouldn't do it. It wasn't in his nature, right? And he'd left a will behind for him to discover. He knew it was going to happen, he prepared himself for it, he knew the mastermind could make a move but it was different. Different knowing that the finality that he set within his mind was a reality. "Guess...it was gonna happen eventually. Nee-heehee." It was coming. It had to happen.

    Fuck.

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  14. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    Kokichi could not possibly be handling this as well as he looked like he was. Shuichi's attention had gone to him at the "Huh" noise and he found himself morbidly unable to look away from the movement, from the promise of life. He really had no idea how comforting Kokichi in motion was until it was one of the only things keeping him from falling into a nightmare where he sat. His eyes traced the form with a desperation, and he only realized he was curling his fists in his lap too hard when one of his nails sliced his palm a little. He masked the wince as best he could and forced himself to loosen his hands, then arms, then shoulders, even though the loosening made him desperately want to cry. He bit back a silent, shaky sob.

    "Momota-kun." He answered with a tremble, and he squeezed his eyes closed. "But... God it was so complicated-" He pressed a curled knuckle to his lip hard, to keep his composure. If nothing, just let him hold it together for a little while longer. "-Harukawa-san was involved, and poison, and... It wasn't cut and dry at all. You and Momota-kun made an insanely complicated plan..."

    His head snapped back up, searching the other with a shaky breath, and he murmured. "No... No, you... Not you. You didn't... Deserve to die. Not the way you did..."
     
  15. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    The long stare that Shuichi gave him was both disconcerting and probably the best thing that he'd ever seen. Eyes fixated on him, tracing him for every movement - to have that attention glued on him was something that he always wanted. Perhaps not like this, never like this, but it felt so good. Watching that with his eyes now wide open made him want to ensure that his eyes would never be on anything else. Too bad such a centerstage performance could only possible with his death, huh? It would be his luck that him being killed was what brought someone to give him such undivided attention, someone like Shuichi to attempt to grapple onto the sight of him as if anything else would be too much to bear.

    When Shuichi squeezed his eyes closed and then afterward looked at him again, Kokichi pushed himself off the top of the couch, swindling his legs before he slid right down to seat himself right next to Shuichi, his shoulder and side brushing up against him. He'd little idea of what convinced him to do so; it was an impulsive decision, something weighty. He selfishly wanted to keep him looking but he didn't want, necessarily, for him to look like that, like Kokichi could disappear at any moment, because 1) he wasn't going to and 2) any distress on Shuichi's pretty face may have accentuated his prettiness but only in a way that he wanted to squash.

    "I never said I deserved it. Only that it's not unexpected." Although he did believe a part of him really did deserve it. He allowed someone else to die for his sake, after all; wasn't it only fair that he eventually received such physical and final repentance for what he forced someone else to go through? They could argue all day that it was something that he chose to do but he would not have chosen to do it had Kokichi not implanted the idea within his head. He took advantage of someone vulnerable...and he threw that person out when he was done with him. He never planned on permitting him to get away with it. "I got a whole will prepared and everything. I was thinking of drawing dicks on it, actually," Kokichi showed his teeth, "but I didn't have time to get around to it. You gotta plan those kinds of things, y'know?"

    Although he still felt sick as he thought to what led him downhill, how he legitimately had been targeted by Harukawa (not surprising at all) or that apparently Momota was in on it (a little more surprising), he was still here now, in some form or another, and that distress that Shuichi clearly displayed was not something he'd simply watch and do nothing about. Even if it was just making Shuichi annoyed at him for not taking the conversation seriously or something, he'd rather that any day than to simply sit back and watch as Shuichi cried.

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  16. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    Kokichi plopped down beside him, pressing their sides together, and Shuichi took a deeper breath, trying to calm himself down. The idea of someone their age preparing a will should, in any other circumstance, have been an utter horror, but the Killing Game made it a possibility and an oddly fitting formality. Would Kokichi have written it in crayon, he wondered? Or purple glitter gel pen? Did they even have that in the school?
    ... Probably. Yonaga-san was the Ultimate Artist after all. She probably had had all manner of supplies in her Ultimate Lab, and it wouldn't have been locked after her death... He felt slightly ill again.

    His gaze, no longer starving, rested on his smaller companion with a certain mourning softness. Any moment Pandora might take them away from each other, right? It tended to do so, and was not the warning kind of place as far as he knew. He might wake up one day to an empty bedroom, and the only facets of Kokichi remaining were drawings, left behind clothes, little ghosts of his presence now gone.

    ... Of course he would draw dicks on his will.

    Shuichi managed a faint smile and nodded a little bit, sighing softly
     
  17. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    Shuichi smiled and nodded, but it wasn't much. And with that look that he gave him - it clenched Kokichi's heart to see it. A selfish, terrible part of him liked the fact that Shuichi seemed to care, but the highly empathetic part and obviously the most important wished he didn't. What happened to him wasn't significant; especially since he knew what he was planning at that time. He knew he wanted to call an end to the killing game and given what Shuichi said it appeared as though he did not succeed, especially if he knew who it was who killed him. A last minute, back-up plan hatched up while he stood within the hangar, all alone, believing not a single person would care for him again...

    He still didn't understand why he would suddenly matter to him posthumously. But that was still the case as it was now, wasn't it? Maybe he could capitalize on that. Bring it to the forefront and shine a spotlight on it. He wanted to ask him what he thought of everything, what he did, the people he'd hurt, why suddenly forgiveness became a manner of Shuichi's way of dealing with him... Did he not still believe him to be malice incarnate? Even earlier he'd grown irritated at his antics and Kokichi almost felt as though he was diffusing a bomb, waiting for it to set off and finally realize that time spent with him wasn't time worth it at all.

    Yet, as it turned out, his mouth moved before his brain did, for once, "You can quit...looking at me like that, you know?" He glanced down at the couch's cushions, his fingers curling along them. "I'm here right now, Saihara-chan. Whatever you're seeing in your mind...it's not here, now." He couldn't stand it, that gnawing grief that contained within his eyes and he wanted to punch it right out of him. No - he wanted Shuichi to be happy. He was way too good for that whole killing game. Way too good. A downright bleeding heart that every trial took in and spat right back out. He grew a backbone, but...what he saw was a skeleton slightly eroded.

    "I'm okay." That's one lie Kokichi couldn't remember the last time he had to tell.

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  18. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

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    He'd glanced away, embroiled in too many thoughts, but when Kokichi spoke again, his heart ached.
    He knew. He knew he didn't. He knew the Game was in the past, full of nightmares he'd only need to face in his dreams, but it still didn't feel real. Kokichi's weight against his side felt alien in terrifying ways. He wanted to rip his skin off and at the same time be embraced and held until the end of time, and the violate relationship between the two of them only served to make speaking harder. He took another controlled set of breaths, rubbing at his eyes.

    "... Are you, though?" He asked softly, eyes shut tightly. "I know my actions are confusing you, my reactions are confusing. Even knowing you die doesnt answer some of them, right?"
     
  19. Kokichi Ouma

    Kokichi Ouma Guest

    [​IMG]


    Interesting. Well, of course Shuichi would very much be on-point with that - he'd always been the closest to figuring him out. Closest, but never quite right there. That was okay, though; he never expected Shuichi to fully comprehend him. He'd just been wishing that he'd always try... Strange that he was now. Strange that he was after he'd given up somewhere in the race, when Kokichi's actions lined up with someone who would hurt other people, like it fit a preconceived, ill notion that Shuichi might have held for him. He didn't like to think about it that way; Kokichi brought about the view that Shuichi held toward him himself, right? But sometimes, he couldn't help but wonder...

    And really, was it seriously incorrect anyway? After what he'd done to Gokuhara and Iruma...

    "You got me, Mr. Detective!" Kokichi chimed cheerfully, bringing his arms up behind his head as he willingly let along with his description. "If you're so eager to explain, you can go ahead. It's not like I'm gonna stop you!" He did actually want to know, but playing into the fact that he was too interested might be leverage Shuichi could use against him to hold the information back and he'd rather obtain it as freely as possible. To be nonchalant about this made it easier.

    For both of them, he figured.

    TAGGING: @Shuichi Saihara


     
  20. Shuichi Saihara

    Shuichi Saihara Danganronpa

    Posts:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    17-18
    Alignment:
    Chaotic Good
    Directory:
    link
    Shuichi pushed a hand through his hair, eyes still shut, the lashes fluttering for a moment against his cheeks while he thought.
    "... I figured you out in the end."
    The olive-green eyes opened, dulled and quiet with the weight of pain.
    "Your final lie... The details aren't... At all pleasant. I won't go into them, I... I figured it out, though. Your plan to make an unsolvable murder. I called Momota-kun in that Exisal he rode to the trial. He left it... His execution was interrupted by his own death from illness." He had never seen Maki so upset, and doubted he'd see her so upset ever again. Her expression had almost killed him.
    "We realized you were just trying to... To stop it." His voice cracked. "That you had a noble purpose underneath it, people you wanted safe, that you were just like any of us... That you hated the game as much as we did... That I- I specifically owe you an immense apology, that I cannot hope you will accept. You were as hurt, and scared, and broken as any of us, and I treated you like you were... Horrible. Like you had no soul."

    He turned his eyes to Kokichi, then averted his eyes, wiping stubbornly at his tears. "I know about your whiteboard... A-And D.I.C.E. I know you're scared, underneath it all, of what awaits you, and I cannot say it will be good."

    There. Mostly laid out. He felt sick.