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Private Late Night Confessions

Discussion in 'Elysium' started by Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane, Jul 14, 2019.

  1. Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane

    Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane Voltron: Legendary Defender

    Posts:
    334
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Paladin/Bartender
    Location:
    Cascade Bay
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    25 (+2)
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    July 22nd
    @Lance McClain
    The clock on the bedside table annoyingly pointed out the late hour: 02:17 AM. No matter how long Shiro stared at it, the minutes seemed to change so slowly, taking the time of what felt like five whole minutes passing before the digit would finally tic forward at last. Sometimes Shiro swore it moved backwards too. He could hear Keith's breathing and a small breeze outside the slightly open window, an insect crying out with its song into the early morning air, and perhaps the sound of a stray cat outside pawing at something here and there. Shiro tried rolling over, tried finding comfort in the cool side of his pillow, and he even fell asleep for a short amount of time before he was startled awake once more. Another nightmare that had him sweating and making a mental note to change the sheets when it was an acceptable time of the morning to actually be up and do things.

    Eventually he gave up, knowing he was wasting time, sliding out of bed and leaving Keith to sleep soundly without him there at least. As he headed downstairs he rolled his neck in a circle, rubbing his metal hand over his arm before he padded his way, bare feet, over to the kitchen. He half expected to find Hunk there but he was grateful he wasn't, figuring the teenager needed the sleep to catch up with the amount of work he did during the day. As Shiro nursed a glass of water the flickering of a faint light caught his attention, setting him on guard at first until he rounded the corner and found it was Lance, seemingly playing a game at the late hour of night.

    "Hey." Shiro called out quietly, fully aware that Hunk and Pidge's room were on ground level too, not wanting to be too loud and wake them from their slumber. Walking over to Lance he sat down quietly and looked at the glass he held in his hands, peering over briefly at the game his friend was playing before he sank down a little more in his seat. The company was appreciated, even if Shiro would rather Lance was asleep instead of being up and gaming no less. Maybe the other paladin had something on his mind too. Actually... the elder of the two realised he really wanted to talk to Lance, to admit to him more than the others that... he just wasn't feeling okay. But that could wait.

    "Are you alright? Even Pidge isn't awake at this time of the morning with their tinkering."
     
    Lance McClain likes this.
  2. Pandora, right? That was a...thing. A weird thing. A really-really-really weird thing. Something that was honestly taking some time to wrap his mind around. Yeah - considering all the crazy stuff they had seen over the years, it...wasn't as weird as it could have been on his brain-parts. But still. This...wasn't their reality, or Universe, or whatever. It was something else entirely. Lance barely back for a blip, before being pulled here.

    Everyone else from like...way before him. Okay not way-way, just...didn't exactly get to see the exciting Season Finale with all the...Universe ending junk. Or...him and Allura - so he was pretty sure everyone thought he was lying about that. Plus - yanno - the Altean marks on his freaking face. Bleh. Entire thing hurt his head, honestly.

    And things here were...safe, right? No real wars. No Galra to throw down with. No crazy ladies bending space-time to find a happily-ever-after. Just...a house with the Paladins. It was all so domestic. All he ever wanted, really. To be able to be a badass Paladin without everything being in crazy danger.

    But without Allura, it kinda...made it less awesome.

    Lance was just...trying to move on. Cuz that's what people did, right? That's how you dealt with this sorta thing. Fact was, Allura wasn't here. Fact was, she was gone. Well, Gone. Capital G. Pandora made it possible that she could show up, but it could also be her from at any point in their timeline. Could be before they even met. Or before that date. And...maybe without everything that happened back home, her feelings wouldn't eventually shift to liking him back.

    And...that would be okay if that happened.
    Just seeing her would be enough, honestly.

    Lance was on the couch in the living room of their shared home - one knee pulled against his chest, as he played a video game. There was an attempt at sleep, but he gave up awhile ago. Too much on his stupid mind. Too much thinking. It was beyond frustrating. He just wanted to shut off for a few hours, and try the whole 'existing' thing tomorrow. Instead, he just got up and started grinding in some RPG that he started his own save file on. Mindless killing hoards of enemies just to get a few points of XP. No real thinking, just basically burning himself out until he was so tired he'd pass out without any thoughts left in his head.

    He heard movement, but didn't really bother to look up. If someone was up at this hour, they either wanted to be ignored or would come say hi.

    The seat next to him sank down - causing Lance glance over.
    Shiro?

    Honestly the last person he expected to see up in the middle of the night. Maybe Pidge had some random idea they needed to do right now, or maybe he accidentally woke up Hunk. Or maybe Keith would be up to pet his space dog. But no - it was Shiro. The Adult Of the House.

    Wild.

    "Hey," he greeted back, clearing his throat a bit since it sounded raspy from the hour, "I'm...alright. Still adjusting to everything, I guess," he shrugged - studying Shiro next to him with his glass of water, "What's got you up? Normally you're like...the responsible adult. Just thirsty?" he asked, raising a brow.
     
  3. Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane

    Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane Voltron: Legendary Defender

    Posts:
    334
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Paladin/Bartender
    Location:
    Cascade Bay
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    25 (+2)
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    When he was asked what was keeping him up, Shiro's grip on the glass in his hand tightened a little bit, a frown forming on his features before he looked up from his drink and over to his friend beside him for a moment. He had to remind himself not to just blurt everything out to Lance, especially not when this was another Lance, not the one whom had died saving him back in Cascade Bay and had his lifeless form held in his arms until he'd managed to pull himself together for Hunk who had been there with him. No, this was another Lance, and like Keith, he seemed to be a bit older than the one Shiro had come to know and love as family. But it was still Lance and he was still family.

    "Can't sleep. Bad dreams, summer humidity- take your pick." Shiro shrugged as he gave his best impression of being nonchalant. His grip on his glass finally eased up before he placed it down on the small table in front of them, his palms rubbing over his flannel shorts in a bid to rid them of their clammy selves before he finally leaned back and sighed to himself. The man ran a hand down the front of his face for a moment before he looked at Lance by his side, studying his features but mostly those Altean marks on his skin that stood out so prominently now.

    "If there's anything you need that might help with your adjustment to Pandora, let me know, okay? Its not easy normally. And I'm sure its not any easier when you're from so far ahead of the rest of us." The paladin murmured, giving the other man a small smile. How old was Lance now anyway? Why was everyone looking bigger? It almost made Shiro wonder if perhaps he was going to disappear some time soon and come back looking changed as the others had as well. Sighing softly to himself once more, Shiro cleared his throat before he gestured to the marks on Lance's face.

    "Those are new. I'm sure there's some story behind them." But Shiro didn't ask for said story, not yet at least. He knew he'd likely be told that he shouldn't hear the future in case it changed something or some other plausible reason, but it didn't stop the mild curiosity he felt in fairness. Especially when it had to do with Allura somehow, right?
    "When-" Shiro stopped speaking when he thought he heard a whisper, turning his head in its general direction before he saw movement by the porch doors they had, frowning as he seemed to all but forget where he was for the time being.

    Leaving Lance on the sofa the black paladin walked over to the doors and looked out at the darkened sky, holding his breath almost as if he expected someone to pop out then and there. Instead Shiro found his reflection looking back at him, or so he thought, until his reflection seemed to smirk and its eyes glow yellow. Letting out a noise of surprise, Shiro stumbled backwards before he was swiftly glancing back and forth, trying to see if he could spy who or whatever that was.
    "Did you-" Turning to Lance, Shiro seemed panicked and sweaty, his vest clinging to his chest a little before he let out a sigh and shook his head once more.

    All he had to do now was pretend like nothing happened just now.
    "Sorry. Just... thought I saw something." He apologised, though he did not return to his seat beside his friend. Instead he kept his distance from Lance as the hairs on the back of his neck refused to lower, getting the distinct feeling he shouldn't be close to his friend for now. Inhaling deeply Shiro rubbed his palm over his eyelids, his arms folding over his chest as he had his back to the doors he'd been looking out of a moment before.
    "Hey uh, Lance...? You ever feel like... like you're just... not yourself, sometimes?" The older asked, voice quiet, almost too soft to be heard as he lifted those tired eyes, showing Lance for the first time just how deeply disturbed he'd been feeling.
     
    Lance McClain likes this.
  4. There was something surreal about conversations that happened after midnight, as a rule. Tired brains just sorta...worked differently. People acted funny. Nothing seemed totally like a slice of reality. Just how it be at ass o'clock.

    Lance shot Shiro a quick glance, as he blamed the heat with bad dreams for himself being up.
    "Sounds like a super fun combo," he shook his head, tapping the buttons on the controller a bit harder than necessary to do a sweet finisher. The volume was so low (basically muted) on the TV that he didn't get the cool musical shift that happened from it, but that was okay. He heard it in his head.

    He glanced down at the mention of from being from so far ahead, but didn't really...say anything to it.
    Just a quiet, "...Yeah," before he refocused back on the TV a bit too closely.

    The whole mixed timelines thing was honestly...just annoying, if he was honest. What even was the rule on this? Could he tell people spoilers? Lance had been purposefully vague on everything so far - and not just cuz it sucked. Dropping 'hey Allura dies to save the multiverse' on everyone just felt...yeah no. He'd def wait on that fun little nugget.

    Lance glanced over in time to see Shiro make a hand motion at his face; fingers instinctively reaching up to gently trace one the Altean marks, as his jaw clenched. A warm but very private smile pulling at his lips, as he glanced away from Shiro. Eyes growing a bit glassy as he cleared his throat.

    "Yeah, they were a gift," voice quiet - fingers still gently tracing them. Honestly, he was not ready to fully explain them to like...anyone. Ever. Hell, he wasn't even fully sure what they meant himself. Or...would really ever be sure, would he? Did make her feel...closer, even if she wasn't here.

    Seeing Shiro quickly move out of the corner of his eye, he glanced over and paused the game as the other guy stood up.

    "...Shiro?" he asked, pushing himself to his feet - but remaining by the couch.

    Shiro seemed to be...staring at something. Lance leaning his head to the side and seeing all of jack and shit. Then he like...jumped at the terrifying nothingness; actually seemed spooked - which was...unsettling. Lance had seen this guy go through hell and back, and fear was not something he was used to seeing on his features.

    "Hey, are you--?"

    But he was already apologizing - Lance dropping back into his seat. Well, now he was way more on edge then he was like thirty ticks ago.

    Then had a really-really concerning question plopped right onto his lap.
    Oh hell, when exactly was Shiro from?
    Was this about to get all cloned up in this bitch?

    "Uh..." he frowned, "I mean...sometimes, yeah. Like if I'm really tired and just feel out of it, or whatever," a shrug, "Or - yanno - I'm up in the middle of the night," he tried to laugh, it sounded uncomfortable, "But um...you...you alright? You seem...jumpy."
     
  5. Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane

    Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane Voltron: Legendary Defender

    Posts:
    334
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Paladin/Bartender
    Location:
    Cascade Bay
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    25 (+2)
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    Shiro looked more than apologetic as he realised he had put his friend on edge a little bit, an apologetic look in those stormy eyes of his before he turned his head away again. There weren't many things a man like Shiro came to feel hate for in his life, not when it was such a ferocious emotion for him, but the feeling of letting his friends and loved ones down was one of those things he couldn't bear and stand to do. Showing the weakness he couldn't explain himself right now was bordering on inflicting that emotion on himself and he wasn't sure if he wanted to excuse himself and head back up to bed to suffer a sleepless night alone, or if he wanted to break down in front of Lance and beg for his help before the anxious feeling in his gut ate him alive.

    He decided to do neither.

    Realising the Altean marks were off the table for discussion, he instead focused on Lance's words in regards to his earlier question he had almost forgotten he'd asked in the first place. He'd barely managed the half smile he'd given the other paladin at an attempt at laughing and lightening the mood. Shiro knew tired, he knew the things sleep deprivation among other things could do to the mind, but this wasn't that, he knew it was more. It had him glancing over his shoulder at his reflection in the doors again, as if double checking his own shadow wasn't going to pull a knife on him or try anything.

    Turning back to Lance when he pointed out he seemed jumpy, it did pull out a strained, half laugh from Shiro as he realised one couldn't really excuse the behavior he had been exhibiting tonight. But the smile that came with the laugh soon faded and he was left staring emptily at the space in front of him, his eyes glazing over as he seemed to suddenly be a million light years away from the current moment. With a small jerk of one of his shoulders, Shiro pulled himself away from the cool glass behind him and instead walked over to the single chair to the side of where Lance was, the man sending a furtive glance back to where he'd stood a few seconds before and holding his gaze there until he seemed to deem it safe to look away again.

    "I don't... I don't know, Lance. I'm sure I could put it down to stress and a lack of decent sleep but I think that would be careless of me to do so." He admitted, slowly pulling his legs up before he was folding his arms over the tops of his knees and glancing to some unspecified corner of the floor. Suddenly the big, strong leader Lance and the others knew was but a lost man in the middle of an unbearably humid night, wading through his own problems in the hopes of locking them up for the benefit of his team. People relied on him, they always had, Shiro couldn't afford to have breaks and meltdowns. And yet, he wanted to do just that in front of Lance, then and there.
    "I'm- I'm tired... and when I sleep I wake up from terrible nightmares. They've gotten worse recently. Sometimes I hear..." Shiro paused, his eyes flicking up for a moment to meet Lance's gaze before he dared continue.

    "I hear voices I shouldn't. I see faces, eyes- People we left behind when coming to Pandora. Laughing at me, taunting me, yellow- y-yellow eyes." He winced at the sound of his own voice stuttering over the admission, his fingers curling up over his own arms whilst he seemed to ball himself up even tighter where he was sat.
    "I've even seen a doctor, just in cast. Isn't that ridiculous? I thought I was losing my mind so I went to see if I really was." Another short, humorless laugh left Shiro, before the shame returned to those torn features of his, tortured eyes pleading as he looked at Lance.
    "Please... don't tell the others though. I haven't told them and I'd rather they didn't know, Lance. I shouldn't even be telling you, I'm sorry- you've all got more than enough to be dealing with here already." He apologised, trailing off before whispering under his breath; 'Who needs a weak leader anyway?'
     
    Lance McClain likes this.
  6. Lance could literally feel the shift in the air, when Shiro decided to tell him what was actually going on. Almost gave him little goosebumps, honestly. Shiro...Shiro was a great guy. Kept everyone going over and over and over again. Died for awhile, got better, was an evil clone or something, then had Dead Shiro's essence or soul or whatever dragged into Clone Body™.

    Guy needed a hammock, a beach, and a little drink with an umbrella in it, honestly.

    But seeing him like this was something else. Lance...never really thought they were close. Not...that they were enemies or anything! Just always saw him as Keith's friend, and everyone's leader. Lance being shown this New and Exciting side was...honestly kind of unnerving.

    Yet he felt weirdly honored.
    Was that bad?
    That sounded bad.

    So Lance sat, quietly watching Shiro as he went on about what was up...totally curling into a ball as he did. Went on about...voices. Nightmares. Seeing shit that wasn't there. Basically just...low key losing touch with reality.

    Well...that was a tiny bit concerning.

    "Uh...not ridiculous like at all. What'd the doctor say?" he asked - his voice hushed thanks to both the weighty topic, and - yanno - the house full of sleeping people.

    Shiro then just sorta...dropping it on Lance that he was the only person who knew this.

    "Wait, not even Keith?" he couldn't stop himself from asking, even if he wanted to, "But...yeah. Don't worry I won't say anything," he held up an assuring hand, brow pinching together, "Really sorry you're going through this, man. Sounds...rough."

    Honestly, he still didn't know what the deal between Keith and Shiro was - and at this point he was afraid to ask. Not because he feared what they were up to, but because he wasn't sure they knew either. Keith had almost died trying to save Shiro, more times than Lance had almost died in general. He knew they had history. He knew they were close. He was like eighty percent sure they were sharing a bedroom. But honestly the details were just.

    ¿?

    So he just let that be.

    "Weird...question for ya, Shiro," he scratched his neck, feeling like he already knew the answer, but super didn't want to be right, "...When are you from back home? Like the last stuff you remember?"
     
  7. Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane

    Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane Voltron: Legendary Defender

    Posts:
    334
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Paladin/Bartender
    Location:
    Cascade Bay
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    25 (+2)
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    What had the doctor said? Nothing helpful as far as Shiro could remember. He'd been rather dismissive about the whole thing, though something told Shiro, perhaps the little whispering voice int he depths of his mind, that the doctor had wanted him out of his office sooner rather than later for some kind of fear of him. Since when did Shiro scare people?
    "Nothing much. He suggested sleeping medication but I admit, the minute someone suggests any kind of medication to me I- ... I go back to a time in my life where I had to rely on treatments and I don't want to go back to that." It was a little different for Shiro, with his disease, the Galra had rid him of it but then death also rid you of a lot of things, didn't it? Either way, the doctor had been pretty much useless and a waste of his time.

    A panicked look splashed itself over Shiro's features, head snapping up to look at Lance when the teenager merely mentioned Keith. He was shaking his head before he'd even answered, his heart in his throat at the idea of Keith knowing. God, wouldn't he blame himself somehow? Keith always seemed to managed to turn things on himself and Shiro hated that.
    "No. Not even Keith. Hunk knows I suffer from sleepless nights but no more than that." So what if he couldn't sleep? Insomnia was more common than a lot of people realised. And what about when you were the leader of a team of teenagers tasked with protecting the universe? Kinda came with the whole leader label.

    Shiro murmured a small 'Thank you' though as Lance promised not to tell, heck, he even apologised for him going through it like it was his fault at all. But Shiro wanted to steer it away from pity, just in case, he didn't hate anything more than being pitied. As Lance spoke up again, the elder realised he hadn't been asked that question in a long time and he wondered if perhaps Lance was asking now because he knew something that happened to Shiro in the future. Even if he did, the elder wouldn't ask, he was desperate for help but not to the point of pressuring someone he loved and being cruel.

    "Well, I was in Black. It was when were were using the teladuv but the Witch shot into the wormhole and we got separated since the lions weren't in the castle. I crash landed here in Pandora shortly after that." That was a long time ago, even by Shiro's standards, he'd been in Pandora for a couple years now. He didn't realise just how long ago his arrival was for Lance and what that meant for him in turn.
    "Why? Was that a very long time ago for you?"
     
    Lance McClain likes this.
  8. With all the crazy overlapping everything in Pandora, if a doctor here didn't know what it was...then it probably wasn't something easily caught. Or even caught at all. Lance's brows pinching together at mention of 'other treatments' that he had to rely on. Was...Shiro sick? That wasn't exactly a question to bust out at the moment, so Lance just frowned.

    "Yeah, I get that. But have you tried like..." he couldn't believe that he - Lance the Nothing Useful Man - was about to give Shiro - Prince Lord King of Badass Heroness - advice, "Non-medicine ways to help? I mean like...there's teas that make you tired. It's not drugged up or anything - just zonks you out. When I was really really little I had like...a month where I had the same nightmare over and over," he smiled fondly at the memory - despite the words sounding kinda iffy - gaze on the ground as he remembered, "Made me not wanna sleep, you know? My mom made me that tea. No ancient grandma recipe or anything. Just picked some up at the store. Made me relax enough that I actually got to sleep and...didn't have any dreams at all. And listen - I've done some dumb stuff in my life like...let's see how long I can stay awake before I throw up. And being sleep deprived literally makes you feel like you're losing your mind. So I think...maybe you should try to find a way to get some rest, dude. And see if that helps. Maybe. I dunno."

    It bothered him more than it should have that not even Keith knew. Like...what?
    But asking why him seemed like a bad call. Way to thank a guy for trusting him, by questioning it - right? So he just shut himself up, and nodded at the quiet thank you.

    But the realization that this could be Clone Shiro was enough to take any sort of appreciation for this moment, and throw it right out the window. He felt himself tense up as he watched the guy recall it - eyes widening at just how long ago that was. Jeez...was he even seventeen yet? Probably only just. Felt like...forever ago. Literally so much had changed.
    So much had happened. Their journey was only just beginning.

    But it also meant that Shiro hadn't been swapped. Probably. That was later, right? There were so many battles to the death, they all sort of blurred together. But he was pretty sure it was the real Shrio before him. Or at least the same one that they all rescued who crash-landed on Earth.

    Wait...was that even the real Shiro? It had to be, right? Cuz his Essence or whatever was literally hanging out in the void, meaning he had to have met OG Shiro at some point.

    So.

    Yeah.

    Real Shiro.

    Probably.

    At the question, he laughed quietly and nodded, "Oh man, yeah. For me that was like...two? Three? Years ago.
    I obviously can't count,
    " he scratched his neck, "When we met I was like...recently seventeen and I turn twenty...actually really soon," wow he was old, "But if it gives you any peace of mind...I'm now like pretty dang sure you're you. Just tired, and maybe stressed from other stuff that's been happening. And like...telling me is really awesome man. Not that...it happening at all is good. Just that admitting you're not good is like the first step to getting good. Or...something like that," a tired smile pulling at his lips - finding a bit of peace in the moment, himself.
     
  9. Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane

    Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane Voltron: Legendary Defender

    Posts:
    334
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Paladin/Bartender
    Location:
    Cascade Bay
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    25 (+2)
    Alignment:
    Lawful Good
    Shiro had indeed tried herbal teas and ones that helped you sleep at night. Hunk had actually been the one to suggest it, back when they lived in Cascade Bay and whilst they afforded him two or three more hours of sleep than he usually would, they weren't enough to make him rest. But he didn't stop Lance from speaking, instead he was smiling at the little anecdote his friend was recalling, what must have felt like a whole other life as things often did when one came to be in Pandora. Smiling at Lance by the time he was finished, Shiro murmured a small thank you but that was more for sharing something so sweet and clearly still important to Lance.

    "I'll try some other teas. See if they help." He had to promise Lance something, after all the guy was still here and hadn't bolted the minute he'd confided in him. Props to the paladin where due. That all faded when Lance told Shiro how old he was going to be, his eyes widening somewhat before he recalled his own age and how old he now was in Pandora, he was pushing close to thirty now. If Lance was old, what did that make him?

    Laughing it aside he nodding when his friend praised him for even talking about it, and Shiro did feel a little lighter. He hadn't fixed his problems, nothing could fix them so easily, but he at least alleviated some of the weight he often felt when even broaching the topic in the first place. Without really giving it much thought (the man was running on little to no sleep in fairness) Shiro shuffled himself over to where Lance was and gave him as best a hug as he could manage in his current position, arms wrapped around the younger's shoulders.

    Shiro murmured another of his thanks to Lance, seemingly sinking a little more into the embrace before he pulled back, ruffling Lance's hair as he got comfortable beside the teenager, wanting to watch him play a few games at least before he tried the whole sleeping thing again.
    "You might be stumbling into your twenties but I'll be thirty soon enough, so if you're old, what does that make me, huh?"
     
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