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Private there is no message we're receiving

Discussion in 'Pandopolis' started by Godzilla, Oct 12, 2019 at 8:39 PM.

  1. Godzilla

    Godzilla Godzilla

    Posts:
    139
    Gender:
    Males
    Occupation:
    Security Lizard
    Location:
    Daye Investigations Linen Closet
    Race:
    Kaiju / Human
    Age:
    Old-Ass
    Alignment:
    Chaotic Neutral


    OCTOBER 1, Y109
    Moving nests was not something that came to the great hunter easily or without a fuss. It was not something that he... understood, and as with so many things, what he did not understand, he did not handle with the same dignity that he might have normally possessed. His temper had been frayed for days during the process of getting things situated in the new nest, and he had been on the verge of a dozen fights over the course of the move.

    Then, when everyone else seemed to settle into their routine and relax, he had... not. He had become even more temperamental and fussy about everything. He kept moving things around, and getting frustrated when it didn't feel right. It had eventually culminated in a loud and aggressive meltdown that he wasn't proud of, because he knew humans were not supposed to do that. That made it worse. It made everything worse, knowing that he still couldn't be what they were without even trying, because he couldn't control the surging waves of emotion in his head that made everything go to shit before he realized it. Before he could stop himself.

    He dug his heel into the sand angrily, and turned his sullen glare out towards the ocean, scanning the horizon. It had been a couple of nights since he had lost his shit, for lack of a better term, and stormed out of the nest. He didn't know if he wanted to go back, or if he would be welcome. He could barely remember what had happened, but...

    He supposed he hadn't hurt anyone. If he had, he wouldn't have gotten so far.

    He couldn't say the same for any potential property damage, and even as he scanned the air, he grimaced with mild shame. He shouldn't have done that. Whatever he had done. It was wrong.

    He just wanted to go home. He wanted to be him again, because he knew how to be himself. Large, dominant and perfect. Master of the world, and not confined to a body he didn't understand, with all these stupid feelings.

    Feeling helpless was the worst of it. The ocean was right there, and he couldn't even go back to it. He was forced to remain on the shore, and after a pregnant pause, he screamed. As loud and as carrying as he could, hoping that one of his own would finally hear it, even if they had never heard his cries before. This time might be different, and he might see one of them on the far horizon. And then...

    And then what? He would still be in this stupid, tiny form. He would be as incapable of contacting them as if they weren't here at all, and the mighty predator found himself sobbing furiously at the stupid, cruel injustice of this entire world.

    Screaming again, more for some way to release frustration than anything, he reached down and grabbed a stone as large around as his fist, and he threw it as hard as he could, watching it dissolve into the night. He didn't hear it hit the water, so he picked up another and threw that one as well, crying and raging and shouting all the while. Aware that he wasn't even alone on the fucking beach anymore, but he didn't fucking care. He just kept raging until it tapered out and he hit the ground gracelessly, punching the earth as hard as he could, until both his hands hurt too much to carry on.

    "What do you fucking want." His voice was choked, but as deep and demanding as ever. He didn't bother to turn around. "Just say what the fuck you want to say, and leave me the fuck alone. I don't fucking care."

    @Toby Daye


     
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  2. Toby Daye

    Toby Daye October Daye
    Empathy Queen

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    Toby had never been the best person in the world when it came to change herself. Not in the sense when her home changed. There were plenty of things that had caused her world to be more than a little unstable and every time her home had changed it had been devastating to Toby. Except for twice, when she had been moving in with someone and had actually been so goddamn happy that she felt her heart bursting. Funny how she couldn't look back on both of those moments with the same fond memories.

    But she saw the warning signs in Goji as everyone else started to settle into the new office space. One of the reasons why Toby had gotten a bigger place was because she knew that Goji had been sleeping in the office. He now had his own space, more than enough space for him to have his own room (basically), and the works. Security living on premises was how she had spun it in her own mind and on the paperwork, making sure that everything was as above board as it needed to be. Thankfully with a Shallowing all of that was easy. It knew what Toby needed and created it. It could make any officials looking into the place get lost if they didn't know what they were doing.

    The brunette had seen Goji explode, for lack of a better word, and she had watched Goji leave. Giving him his space was likely the best option but she had gotten worried by the second day that he hadn't shown back up. That was when she had started looking for the giant lizard turned human. He was part of her team, her pack, and that meant it was Toby's job to bring him back in. She might have sent Arthur to go and do it but considering Toby already had an idea of what she was dealing with, the changeling figured it was best to take care of it.

    Tracking him down really hadn't been all that difficult. Goji had a habit of sticking out like a sore thumb where ever he went. Not because of his looks or anything of that nature, at least as long as he had kept his clothing on, but his attitude and the way he spoke certainly left an impression on whoever the hell he was around. Toby had managed to trace his path to a beach in the middle of the night. The air was starting to get cold and Toby almost wished she had put a hoodie on under her leather jacket. She had never done well in Winter in Pandora. It was always too damn cold for her California upbringing.

    Still she stopped a little bit away from Goji, lifting her hands a touch to cover her ears slightly when he screamed in frustration. He really did have a pair of lungs on him! It really did seem like Goji was going through something intense. Perhaps Toby should have brought Arthur. She crossed her arms under her chest and waited for him to start talking before responding. She remembered what she had been like when she had wanted to be left alone. Back when she had broken the curse of being a fucking fish. When the world had changed and she had lost Gilly.

    I don't fucking care. At least he was giving her a chance to say something. "What upset you, Goji?" She wasn't going to start out by poking directly at his emotional outburst. They both already knew that Toby had seen it. She also knew that his emotions were still running high. So similar to how she had been, but a lot more aggressive than how Toby had reacted herself. Her troubles had taken the form of depression, which had been troubling in its own way. She stepped up a little bit to look out over the ocean with him, but she was still several feet back from the shore line. If he decided to get in the water... well, Toby would be calling Arthur. No way she'd be following him into the ocean. "Is there something you don't like about the place or is it the move itself?" It could be anything really. Toby glanced in his direction, tucking her hands into her jacket pockets while she waited for an answer.
     
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  3. Godzilla

    Godzilla Godzilla

    Posts:
    139
    Gender:
    Males
    Occupation:
    Security Lizard
    Location:
    Daye Investigations Linen Closet
    Race:
    Kaiju / Human
    Age:
    Old-Ass
    Alignment:
    Chaotic Neutral



    Part of him wanted to make Toby go away. He weighed his options as he sat on the beach, nursing two brutalized hands that would be healed by the end of the night. If he acted out harshly enough, he was sure she would leave, because she wasn't that stupid. She would send Fishy Man Arthur to fetch him instead, but he didn't know if he wanted that, either, because Fishy Man was strong as shit.

    He would be more tempted to fight him. He didn't want to fight Toby, as volatile as he felt.

    "You don't move nests. That is not the way." He said after a very long, tense silence. He wiped his cheeks absently to drive away the tears. "I do not like it. I hate human ways. They're fucking stupid and they do not make sense." He wanted his own ways, which had been set in stone for... ever. For an eternity. His way was forever, and human ways were fleeting and horrible.

    He turned his head enough to survey her. She was beating around the fucking bush, and he had little patience for it. He assumed she was upset about his behavior, which was... reasonable, given how he had acted out, and if she wanted to scold him, the great hunter wished she would just fucking get on with it. He shifted his gaze back to the ocean and was quiet for another while.

    Finally, he growled and sighed. If she wanted to do the talking thing, he supposed he would have to. "I don't fucking care about your nest, Toby. It does not matter. I would have been angry regardless." He explained tersely. "I do not want to be here, but I have nowhere else to go. I'm in this stupid fucking form that I hate, and I have to do the right thing, say the right thing, be the right thing. All the fucking time. It is like the... the games you humans play. With the..." He mimed moving pieces across an invisible board.

    "But no one will tell me the rules, but you all have no fucking problem being angry when I get it wrong. And I do not have my own kind here. I am one and I am supposed to be many. I do not have..." He sniffled and wiped his eyes again, angrily and bitterly. "You all do not have your family. I know that. But you have humans and you are humans. I do not have my kind. I am me and I am alone. They do not answer me."


     
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  4. Toby Daye

    Toby Daye October Daye
    Empathy Queen

    Posts:
    3,645
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Private Investigator
    Race:
    Changeling
    Age:
    60
    Alignment:
    Neutral Good
    Directory:
    link
    She always felt like she was fucking up somehow when she tried to understand this lizard turned human. There were times when she was sure that he understood everything that was going on around him and then there were these sorts of moments, when he said he didn't understand anything and complained that no one had explained things to him. What was natural to Toby might have been unnatural for him, but he had been told a great number of things and still didn't do them all. Toby didn't know if that was because there was too much information rolling around in his noggin already or if he just was willfully ignorant. Stubbornly so.

    "We needed more space and we needed to get away from collateral, Goji." She had explained this when she had announced the move to everyone. Harry had been the one she had spoken to about it first but Harry was gone. The vines had taken him, Mouse, and Nero away all around the same time. That had been a little difficult to deal with along with a great number of other things in Toby's life. She was having a rough go of a lot of things and the changeling felt tired again, staring out at the waves of the ocean and wondering what it would have been like to be able to breath between her grief.

    There just wasn't enough time to mourn everything properly. Besides Pandora was always throwing her curve balls. For all she knew all three would be back within the next month. With their memories, without, who knew? Toby managed to pick out all the curse words that Goji slammed in her direction. He had habit of over-using the f-bomb. Which was really hilarious for Toby to be thinking this about him but it really was like any other word coming out of his mouth by this stage.

    One thing stuck out to her among everything else. Those five little words he said last. They were more than telling enough. "Your family?" Instead she spoke a little softly, cutting to the tail end of what Goji had said. "How many of you were there back home?" Had she asked Goji very many questions about where he had come from? Toby didn't think so. There really hadn't been all that much time since they had met. Not a lot of personal questions had been asked. That was probably a mistake. She tried to get to know her team better than that.

    "I remember hearing about how big you were. The news talked about you a lot around Cascade Bay." There was a general motion south from where they were standing in the direction of Cascade Bay. Toby wasn't the best at directions when there weren't any street signs around but she knew that on the beach in Pandopolis, right was south. Kind of hard to fuck that up when the ocean was right in front of you.