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Complete thoughts a mess

Discussion in 'Parliament Building' started by Perrin Aybara, Sep 13, 2017.

  1. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    1,570
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Blacksmith
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human || Wolfbrother
    Age:
    23
    Alignment:
    Neutral Good
    Directory:
    link
    June 11th, Year 6
    shortly after noon || parliament building
    @Faile Bashere

    Perrin’s footfalls echoed louder than usual on the marble floors of the Parliament building, making him feel even more out-of-place here than usual. Or perhaps they just sounded so loud to him because he hadn’t slept more than a handful of hours. Everything was too bright, too loud, too much. But he plodded on despite the dull throb in the back of his head and the dry and itchy eyes he wanted to rub at for the umpteenth time that day, feet dragging heavily behind him.

    It wasn’t often that he came here, what with this place essentially being this world’s seat of power, but he wanted to talk with Faile sooner rather than later. He’d originally planned on staying overnight in Silverwood, but after last night... well, he’d spent the night trekking back to Pandora Town, thoughts a mess. He’d slept poorly, then texted Faile about his change of plans, asking her if they could meet up. She was the one who’d suggested that he come over so they could take their lunch break together. An hour didn’t seem like nearly enough time to talk about the subject he wanted to broach, but maybe it would be enough.

    Anna still figured prominently in his thoughts, of course. All this time, he’d thought that their argument months ago had been the end to their friendship, since Anna thought so little of him. He’d been so angry at her for brushing him off, for being jealous of him and Faile, that he’d... he’d just seen red and stormed off. A lot of what was said back then were things he didn’t even rightly remember, but he remembered that much. Stumbling into Anna again last night had been unexpected, throwing him off-kilter and stirring up his old resentment. But it had also reminded him of how much he’d missed their friendship back when everything had still been all right, when none of this had hung over their heads like a thundercloud.

    Not like they could ever really be friends again, not when she’d made it clear that she couldn’t stand being around him because she was in love with him.

    That was why he wanted — no, needed — to tell Faile about it. Because he’d just assumed Anna’s attraction towards him was temporary and would pass, not that it would have so many long-lasting repercussions. He’d never thought it would linger and fester, and make Anna like... like this.

    It made him feel guilty, in truth. Guilty for being the cause of Anna’s pain, even though he couldn’t remember treating her any differently than he’d treated any other friend. Guilty for not catching it sooner, for not doing something about it. For being unable to do something about it. And guilty for not bringing all of this up to Faile sooner, though he'd told her about Anna a few times before. Just because he just hadn’t thought getting into details had been important, when he hadn’t seen Anna since before everything that had happened in Providence.

    Exhaling, Perrin ran a hand through his some errant curls falling in front of his eyes, and tried to work out some of the tension in his shoulders, before turning the corner to stride into the Department of Intelligence’s offices. Some glanced in his direction before their eyes flickered back to their work, some nodded. He’d dropped by often enough that he was a familiar face. He made a beeline for Faile’s desk, leaning against the side and offering her a warm, though tired smile.

    “Hey, there. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” He would have kissed her in greeting, but that was not the sort of thing either of them enjoyed doing in front of other people. Propping up the paper bag in his arm, he gave it a wiggle. “I brought you your favorite from that spicy food place.”

     
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  2. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    326
    Occupation:
    DoI Investigator
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    18
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral
    Directory:
    link
    For Faile the day had been like any other. She had managed to finish a number of reports that were backlogged, though it had taken her most of the day to do. It was hard for her to type as quickly as many of her coworkers. Difficult for her to do more than type with one or two fingers per hand, at a slow pace. Because she had to keep checking to make sure that everything was properly spelled. This apparently hadn't been as easy before the Department of Magical Advancements had released their translation device. Most people Faile knew had one now and it really wasn't any wonder why. They closed the gap in communication that many Pandorans seemed to have trouble with. Herself included.

    But those devices did mean that anyone could write their own reports now, instead of trying to beg a coworker to help them out. Not that Faile had ever done such a thing, but she had been hard pressed to keep her dignity in many situations. Begging was something she just didn't want to do but she had been near tears in a few situations before. Now it was just a matter of figuring out how to speed herself up without making any mistakes. Which was proving difficult despite her determination on the matter.

    She hadn't been expecting Perrin to stop by. Normally the smith would text her ahead of time because there were days where she wasn't even in the office. Out in field, is what everyone would have told him if he had stopped by on a day Faile was gone. So perhaps it was pure luck that today was reports day for the dark haired woman. She wasn't quite on rotation to take another case yet. Other investigators had taken their turns and it was turning out to be a decently quiet week.

    Faile looked up at her boyfriend and smiled at him. Perking up instantly when he told her about the food, because she had managed to work through lunch. "Did you hear my stomach rumble all the way by the forge?" It was a light tease. It held a little more meaning between the two of them of course, because Faile knew that Perrin had a number of senses that were different, but no one would likely think anything if they were overheard. She had heard a number of similar exchanges working in this office.

    Instead the dark haired woman rose and smiled at him, only starting to understand that there was something slightly off about Perrin all the same. Why was he here? It just couldn't be about lunch, could it? She nodded in the direction of the board room, knowing they would be able to have lunch in private there.
     
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  3. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    1,570
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Blacksmith
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human || Wolfbrother
    Age:
    23
    Alignment:
    Neutral Good
    Directory:
    link

    He knew a little about Faile’s struggles when it came to life here, by virtue of her having mentioned a few things here and there. She hadn’t gone into detail, of course — he’d long since suspected that Faile was the sort of woman who preferred to keep things to herself, who didn’t like others seeing her struggle — but he didn’t think it was anything to be ashamed about. It had taken him years to get used to life here, and he still often felt like he’d barely scratched the surface. Even so, it was nice to see her hard at work and smell that she was in a good mood.

    A pity that he would no doubt sour it with the discussion he wanted to broach.

    “I took pity on the rest of Pandora,” he teased back, offering a smile that was a little forced. Not that it wasn’t amusing, to be able to share jokes like this that only they would understand. But he just couldn’t shake his dread at the potential outcome of their discussion. Light, he had to stop thinking about it, at least until they’d gotten some food in their bellies.

    Taking her lead, Perrin followed her out of the offices to a side room that was larger than he’d been expecting, with a long table and several comfortable seats neatly set out. It looked like a meeting room, of sorts. He’d seen their like in films and shows on television before, which was his only real frame of reference.

    “Are we allowed in here?” But he took a seat next to Faile anyway, digging through the paper bag to remove the aluminum dishes, placing one in front of her. The smell was strong enough to his sensitive nose that it was already making it runny, but all that really mattered was that it was Faile’s favorite. “How has your day been so far?” he asked, passing over a package containing a napkin and plastic cutlery.

     
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  4. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    326
    Occupation:
    DoI Investigator
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    18
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral
    Directory:
    link
    Faile felt her moods instantly lift the moment he teased her back. This was the sort of thing she wanted. This was the sort of thing she would rather be spending her time on and even though life in Pandora Town was certainly different from back home in many ways, that would have been the same. They would have been hard pressed for moments of tenderness or even playfulness with what had been going on. They were lucky in that sense here in Pandora. Having more time with Perrin was exactly what made her day on most days.

    "We're perfectly fine here. Plenty of people use it as a quiet spot to get away from everyone else." She took the container the smith offered her and flashed him another smile in return. A number of her collegues had had lunch in this very room with their friends and the like. Never mind the fact that most of them already worked for the government. Perrin was well known, had a good reputation, and had been vouched for by a Department Head. Obviously he was going to be allowed in here without too many questions asked.

    "Paperwork. One downside to the translators is the fact that everyone can now do their own paperwork." It had been easier when she had just had her notes written while Faile dictated. A lot easier and now she had to write out all her own notes. So she got bogged down a little bit more with the paperwork, but it still wasn't bad.

    She started to open the containers and set everything out. Since Perrin had a habit of picking up dinner, Faile made it a point to do the prep work so they could actually eat. Not always the fairest but they were comfortable with it. "And yours?" He didn't look like he had been hard at work at the forge that day, but he could have been up to a million other things as well. Meetings with clients or assisting the magical department with another prototype for all Faile knew.
     
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  5. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    1,570
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Blacksmith
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human || Wolfbrother
    Age:
    23
    Alignment:
    Neutral Good
    Directory:
    link

    Well, if Faile said it was all right for them to eat lunch here, then it was all right. She knew her workplace better than he ever would, even if he dropped by often. Even if this room looked a lot more official than their offices did, too. Perrin relaxed a little in his seat as Faile set everything up, even prying open his meal: chicken curry. It was milder compared to the spicier dishes that Faile preferred, but he imagined that it was milder still for those who didn’t have as sensitive a sense of smell as he did.

    “That sounds boring,” he muttered consolingly, shoving some rice into his mouth. “Even more boring than balancing the cash register at the end of the day.” He supposed it wasn’t really necessary for him to do that anymore, now that he worked alone at the smithy. But it was relaxing, and a good way for him to gauge how the business was going. Not as good as it once was, unfortunately. But he’d put a lot of money aside, so he figured he had a long way to go before he was in trouble.

    “It was all right,” he admitted, after swallowing another mouthful of rice. “Didn’t really have much to do, besides go through some invoices.” A quiet day, really. Honestly speaking, though, he hadn’t really been able to focus on much of anything. “I was actually planning on staying in Silverwood for another day, but I changed my mind.” He hadn’t felt comfortable staying around the pack after finding Anna in their midst. Light, and now she knew he could talk to wolves. It hadn’t... it hadn’t been something he’d wanted her to find out, ever.

    “Has anything interesting happened in the field lately?” he asked instead, not wanting to broach the topic so early in their conversation. Better to enjoy their closeness for the time being, though he couldn’t help but stifle a yawn with a fist. If only he’d gotten more sleep.

     
    #5 Perrin Aybara, Jan 15, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2018
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  6. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    326
    Occupation:
    DoI Investigator
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    18
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral
    Directory:
    link
    Her work could be boring. It could be some of the worst parts of her day if she just stuck her head in a hole. There were obviously people who had much worse days which was the case with all the victims in her cases. She was alive. She was safe. She was loved. So even the boring parts of her day were okay because at the end of the day everything was okay. She just needed to work hard at solving those crimes so she could help people and everything would be alright. Perrin just helped make things better when he was around. Really the smith could have invited himself over more. She wouldn't have argued.

    "Nothing interesting. More trouble in Blackhaven. It seems to be the worst place to be." Faile had considered taking an apartment in Blackhaven when she had first gotten her job. It hadn't worked out for various reasons before Faile had found her current place. It was good for what she needed. More than big enough for one person. Cozy enough for two... but she often thought like that when the smith was around. Liked the idea of coming home to him after work.

    There was murder, thievery, and violence though. Those were the things that Faile knew of. "There is a thief of a certain sort along one set of apartment buildings in Blackhaven though. Seems to like women's underwear." Panty thief that was what they called him. It was absolutely terrible of course but some people think to find it funny. That care had been given to someone else though because Faile didn't feel like she could have handled that correctly. Not without wanting to skin the thief alive.

    "i can't figure out why anyone would do such a thing. We'd put such a pervert out in the snow without any clothes on back home. In Winter." Wasn't worthy of anything when they stooped so low like that. She had hard of countries sending those to the front lines of battle which just wasn't acceptable either. Men of that nature didn't deserve a solider's honorable death. "Any interesting orders? Someone want full plate yet?" That would have been overkill here in Pandora but it was always fun to tease Perrin about because it would have been a hassle to make without apprentices of his own.
     
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  7. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    1,570
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Blacksmith
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human || Wolfbrother
    Age:
    23
    Alignment:
    Neutral Good
    Directory:
    link

    Perrin hummed in agreement, shoveling more rice into his mouth. He wasn’t overly fond of Blackhaven, and ventured there rarely for precisely that reason. Even though he knew there were some places there that were better than others, such as the park they’d set up a while back and the apartments nearby where Jaesa lived, it was a far more dangerous place than the rest of Pandora Town. He’d heard enough stories to last him a lifetime and then some.

    But Faile’s story almost made him choke on a piece of chicken. “I’m sorry, did you... did you just say what I think you just said?” he demanded hoarsely, thumping his fist against his chest in a vain effort to stifle his coughing fit. He’d heard right, hadn’t he?

    Oh, blood and ashes, he had. As Faile went on, Perrin began to pick at his chicken curry, finding it utterly fascinating. Was that a piece of garlic? He speared it with his fork, popping it into his mouth. But not even focusing on his food helped to deter the blush that spread over his face as his mind went to horrible places over the hows and whys anyone would want to steal smallclothes.

    “Uh,” he said weakly, setting down his meal to rummage through his satchel for a water bottle. “I suppose it’s like you said,” he went on, taking several gulps. “Some people are just... perverted... like that.” And hopefully that would be the end of that, because blood and bloody ashes, but someone stealing smallclothes wasn’t something he wanted to sit down and think about anymore.

    He latched onto the change of topic eagerly. “No, not full plate thankfully,” he said, dragging his meal back to him. “I think whoever winds up in this world realizes that things like that are impractical in a world full of... guns.” Luckily, he’d never seen one of them up close, but he’d seen enough of them in films to be wary. “But I still get a lot of interesting commissions. Mostly for personalized things, really.” He popped another piece of chicken into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

    “Actually,” he went on, talking around his mouthful. “Someone wants me to forge them chess pieces.” He swallowed and shook his head, sighing. “Master Kendall was right. Most people here prefer artisan blacksmiths to traditional ones. Whatever puts food on the table, I suppose.”

    He was stalling, he knew. But he still felt that it would be best for him to bring up Anna after they’d eaten, and after they’d had their fill of sharing small tidbits about their days and jobs. In truth, he didn’t really want to stop talking about such things. But he’d have to, eventually.

     
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  8. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    326
    Occupation:
    DoI Investigator
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    18
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral
    Directory:
    link
    Faile had no clue that Perrin was putting off an awkward conversation. Instead the dark haired woman was certain that this was just a social visit. Just the smith stopping by to have lunch with her because he had a little free time on his hands. He should have called ahead, no matter what difficulties Faile seemed to have with the device, so that he could have had a heads up before buying the extra food or wasting his time coming out.

    Either way it seemed that Perrin didn't quite understand how weird her job could get. All because Pandora was a weird place but there were things constantly surprising her as well. Like this panty thief that her coworkers couldn't figure out. Magic had to be used. That or some sort of ability that wasn't common in any world they knew of. Life was complicated here, surely.

    A smile broke out on her face though because it was nice to think of Perrin making game board pieces instead of weapons of war. A much... nicer thing to make. Not that Perrin was bad at either but a woman had to be glad that her love was making more peaceful things for a more peaceful world. Despite all the craziness that seemed to happen around Perrin in Pandora, it seemed far safe than their home world. No wars. No Dragon Reborn. No craziness coming out of every corner that tried to kill them. Just... panty thieves and the like.

    "Then make them beautiful. I know you can." Perrin had made some beautiful things that were also useful in the time since she had arrived. It was lovely really because that was exactly the sort of thing that Faile appreciated. Things that were beautiful but also had function. Otherwise they were pretty and useless. A combination that Faile hated.

    She took another several bites of her food and continued to feel nothing more than contentment at the afternoon. Her free hand even reached over to lightly rest on Perrin's. It wasn't like they were in public, tucked away in this little back office to have lunch. A private little peaceful moment. As close to perfect as Faile might have wished while she was still at work.
     
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  9. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    1,570
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Blacksmith
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human || Wolfbrother
    Age:
    23
    Alignment:
    Neutral Good
    Directory:
    link

    Perrin smiled at her words, warmed by them more than he could put into words, then ducked his head a little in embarrassment. He wasn’t used to such praise, even from Faile. Especially from Faile, if he had to be honest with himself. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wonder what she saw in a wool-brained fool like him. Most times, he didn’t care, knowing that she saw more in him than he ever would. But sometimes...

    He knew that such worries were only manifesting now because he was so nervous about the topic he had to broach with Faile, but he was equally frustrated at himself for dawdling so long. The longer he tarried, the worse it would be. But his tongue had twisted itself into knots, and he just couldn’t form the words. Where in light’s name could he even begin? He’d told Faile about Anna before, but only in passing. Just as one of the many friends he’d made in this world before losing them. Only, he’d lost all his other friends to the whims of Pandora. He’d lost Anna to... to her jealousy, and to his anger, and there really wasn’t anything that could be done about that, could there?

    Faile’s hand brushed his, bringing him out of his thoughts. It was a casual gesture, but an intimate one. Perhaps others wouldn’t think of it as such, but they were private people. Public displays of affection weren’t something either of them were very comfortable with. The most they’d done was hold hands in public, and even doing that much had felt like peeling back a layer that they didn’t normally show to the world. Or maybe it was all just in his head. Maybe he was just overthinking it, the same way he always did.

    He turned over his hand, lacing their fingers together. Somehow, just touching Faile like this, running his thumb along her knuckles, helped him feel calmer. Bolder, even. Swallowing his mouthful of rice, Perrin shoved the tinfoil box containing the remains of his meal aside and shifted on the chair to face her.

    “Do you remember when I was telling you about the friends I made here, and then lost along the way?” he asked tentatively, not wanting to launch headfirst into the subject without giving Faile some forewarning. “About how Pandora made them vanish?” Perhaps it wasn’t the best way to start this conversation, but he didn’t really know how else to go about it. “Well, one of them didn’t vanish. We had a... falling out... and went our separate ways.” He squeezed her hand a little tighter, as if the gesture alone would lend him strength and help him better put his thoughts into words. “I ran into her again in Silverwood yesterday, when I went to visit Running Water’s pack. It... didn’t go very well.”

     
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  10. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    326
    Occupation:
    DoI Investigator
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
    18
    Alignment:
    Lawful Neutral
    Directory:
    link
    Perrin had told her about his friends here in Pandora. The way he spoke about them always seemed to be...friendly. Nothing more. Like he would have spoken with anyone back home or something of that nature. She had seen one or two of them in passing but it had never been anything serious. Nothing that had ever made Faile jealous or worried. After all they weren't Berelain. Faile was hardly jealous of regular women after competing with that woman for so long.

    So Faile had never bothered with them. Perrin spent far too much time on her for her to worry about anything else. He was constantly sending her messages and asking how her day was in that ever sweet way of his. It was endearing and comforting all at the same time. At least she didn't worry about him wandering. Berelain had always struck a chord because... what man could say no to her?

    It didn't matter here in Pandora though because the woman was not here. So there were some aspects that were perfectly good with Pandora. Something that was positive for once along with the fact that they were away from the Dragon Reborn. Once again, not saying anything on that subject.

    But the smith had had a rough time of things since he had arrived. His friends hadn't always been steady. Even Faile had been here once before and had vanished on him. Perrin was a man who liked his friends but friends were hard to come by. That was all the smith had really said on it and considering that she was included in that lot, Faile hadn't wanted to talk about it much.

    Except it seemed that there were all sorts of hidden meaning behind his words. Hidden meanings. A friend that hadn't vanished. A female friend who was also involved with the wolves or around the wolves somehow. That made Faile more uncomfortable. The wolves were rather important to Perrin in more ways than one.

    "Why didn't it go well?" She was trying to keep her voice neutral but Faile was no longer exactly eating her food. Instead the dark haired woman was pushing her food around slightly while she waited for some sort of answer.
     
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  11. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    1,570
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Blacksmith
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human || Wolfbrother
    Age:
    23
    Alignment:
    Neutral Good
    Directory:
    link

    Discomfort entered Faile’s scent. Not that Perrin expected otherwise, especially with where he left off. But he’d needed to stop talking, to sort through his thoughts and feelings. He felt... angry, and hurt, and guilty, and a host of other emotions he couldn’t put a name to. Squeezing Faile’s hand gently, more to draw more strength from her presence than for any other reason, he started to talk again.

    “Because she found out about my connection to wolves,” he admitted, huffing. “A connection I never wanted her to find out about.”

    It had been the first blow, something he considered deeply personal being ripped free from him without so much as a by-your-leave. If Anna hadn’t been graced with whatever the bloody ashes Apollo’s powers were, whoever this Apollo was supposed to be, she’d have never been able to speak to the wolves. She’d have never found out about his kinship with them. It would have remained his secret, but such was no longer the case. Now she knew, and he hated that something he’d considered his and his alone was... shared, in a way. He was jealous that she could speak to wolves now too. Jealous and angry, as if he had a monopoly on wolves. He didn’t, he knew that rationally, but it still felt like Anna had butted in where she didn’t belong. Making friends with his friends, getting involved in affairs he’d considered his and his alone, and only shared with those he chose to share them with.

    There was more to it, of course. He was stalling, thinking about the wolves. It wasn’t even the worst of what had happened. He huffed again, wetting his lips. “Because we hadn’t seen each other in months,” he went on, shoulders stiff and eyes focused on a distant point. His jaw ached at the effort to avoid grinding his teeth every time he stopped talking. “Because the last time we saw each other, when I’d only tried to help her after she lost her sister, she brushed me off by claiming I had no idea what it was like to lose people, when I’d lost my own bloody family to—”

    He cut himself off, pulling his hand away from Faile’s to fold his arms and cover his mouth with one, leg bouncing in agitation. His chest was heavy, his throat tight. Distantly, he knew he was getting worked up again, and that it wasn’t worth it, but he couldn’t help himself. He was angry, and he didn’t know if he was more angry at Anna or at himself. Maybe he should have told Anna about his family, but that would have come with a number of other explanations he hadn’t wanted to get into. Light, he felt nauseous. He wanted to get up and start pacing, or maybe he wanted to punch something. Not knowing which one he wanted unnerved him more than he cared to admit.

    “She didn’t know, but she didn’t have to know,” he went on, dropping his hand. His eyes focused on Faile, his jaw tightening.“She pushed me away back when I was only trying to help, and she did it again this time around, and I know it shouldn’t bloody bother me but it does. It does because she...”

    And here lay the crux of the entire matter. He wasn’t sure how to say it, or whether he ought to just hold his tongue, but... no, he had to say it. Because if anyone deserved to know the truth, it was Faile. No more secrets, even if they weren’t strictly his to reveal. Faile deserved to know the full extent of the matter, just as he had. His friendship with Anna was irreparable, he knew that now. A part of him knew it wasn’t his fault for being who he was, but there was still that underlying guilt that lurked beneath it all. That if he'd done something different, maybe said something he shouldn't have, that none of this would have ever happened. He could wish he'd done things differently all he liked. It wouldn't change the facts. For so long as Anna remained in Pandora, Faile had a right to know why their friendship was beyond repair.

    “She has feelings for me,” he admitted, all the tension finally leaking out of his body. His sigh was ragged, defeated. “She has for months, maybe even years. I don’t even know why. I never treated her any differently than I treat other people. I don’t think so, at least.” Running his hands over his face, he finally dropped them and leaned on the table again. “But according to her, she can’t even stand to be around me because of them, so...” He shrugged his shoulders, the gesture obvious despite how small of a shrug it was. Shoving a hand through his hair, he exhaled like a forge's bellows. “I guess that’s the end of that.”

     
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  12. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
    326
    Occupation:
    DoI Investigator
    Location:
    Pandora Town
    Race:
    Human
    Age:
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    There were plenty of things that Faile assumed with Perrin. His friendships with other people were one of them. After all Faile trusted Perrin. She trusted him to draw those lines in the sand with regular people. Who was everyone but the likes of the Dragon Reborn or Berelain. Normal people more like themselves. More like the villagers that Perrin had grown up with.

    Except there were a thousand different emotions that were playing out on Perrin's face and that did not bode well for the situation. The dark haired woman was listening carefully to his words while concentrating on the fact that the smith had let go of her hand to run his hands across his face instead. She gave up pretending to be interested in the food that she had yet to finish. There wasn't any point in hiding that she was concerned. The smith would already know that.

    Still Perrin's words were unsettling. Faile tried to digest them but it was hard to keep up with the concept. And it was hard to keep her jealous from trying to bristle over the moment the man mentioned the fact that t his friend had feelings for him. It was understandable of course. Perrin was a fine man and he would make a good husband. A good king one day. There were plenty of reasons for a woman to decide she could fancy him. Faile had settled on it in the first few days.

    There was a difference between what was allowed and not allowed though. No one was allowed to assume they could put their hands on Perrin. It didn't sound like that was the case though. Just a woman who was a friend and apparently couldn't be around him without hiding her feelings. "How terribly childish of her." She knew those were the words that the smith needed to hear. There must have been a way to hide your emotions and deal with that on another level, even if Faile had never been pressed to that point herself.

    It did sound rather childish though. Never mind the fact that Faile was glad for her childish choice. It meant that the woman wouldn't be around Perrin and put the smith in an awkward situation. "This troubles you because...?" Faile already knew the answer. He was sweet. Sweet and far too trusting. If a person was not going to be loyal to you and was going to put themselves first, then it was best for you to do the same. She picked up the drink that Perrin had brought with the meal and took a sip, giving Perrin a chance to muddle through his next thoughts.
     
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  13. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

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    Perrin blinked at her words, some of the tension in his shoulders ebbing away. He’d been smelling Faile’s jealousy, what with them sitting side-by-side as they were, for several long moments now, bracing himself for whatever was to come. He had no real experience to draw on except for whatever Faile had once told him of that woman who’d aggressively pursued him back home in her timeline, and he didn’t think this situation was anything at all like that one, because otherwise Faile’s scent would be different. But he’d expected Faile to... well, to react more strongly than that. Her jealousy was knife-sharp in his nose, but it was contained and controlled, her words measured and precise. He had to think about it for a moment until he found an answer he was satisfied with.

    “Because I don’t like hurting people,” he admitted, voice soft.

    And yet, he’d hurt Anna in so many ways without even realizing that he had. He’d thought she’d vanished all those months ago, when instead she’d been... taken and twisted by some goat-kissing bastard, and it made him sick to his stomach just thinking about it. She’d somehow fallen in love with Perrin somewhere along the way too. What was worse, he suspected it had happened long before she’d been twisted and manipulated. He’d tried being there for her, had tried so hard to make up for lost time and help her heal from her ordeal, but she’d... she’d just brushed him aside because she’d been jealous of Faile, in the end.

    Faile was right, he realized. It made his insides twist guiltily, but she was right. Maybe not so much in that Anna was childish, but in that the situation shouldn’t trouble him. He hadn’t treated Anna any differently than he’d treated any of his other friends. Light burn him, but he’d treated friends like Jaesa and Egwene more warmly than he’d ever had reason to treat Anna, and neither of them had ever professed feelings for him. He’d never held Anna the way he’d held Egwene, back when Semirhage had slipped free from her fingers and she’d wept with rage. He’d never comforted Anna the way he’d comforted Jaesa, when she’d been so lost and confused after being so horribly manipulated by Mairon.

    So why was it his fault that Anna had feelings for him? Why should he feel guilty, and self-conscious, and every other little thing he was feeling? Why should he be the one feeling responsible when they hadn’t even been close in so long?

    Perrin exhaled, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forwards. His body was facing Faile, and he rubbed his hands over his face again before dropping them. “The only solution I can come up with is avoiding her indefinitely, which was what I was already doing until we crossed paths again.” He honestly didn’t know what else to do besides that.

     
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  14. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

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    There were plenty of reasons why Perrin might feel the way he did but the truth was this was one of his short comings. And one of the reasons why Faile loved him. He didn't like to hurt anyone or upset anyone. He wanted everyone to be happy but he didn't seem to understand that he could never manage to make everyone happy. Perrin had yet to learn that there were more important things in life than that. He still wanted to make the world a better place for everyone. He had to pick and choose his battles. That was a lesson that Faile had learned. Her brothers dying had taught her many hard lessons.

    But the smith was certainly sweet with his intentions though. "Perrin, she does not sound like a friend. She sounds like a child who doesn't understand the way the world works." Faile's words were a little harsh but Perrin was being far too hard on the wrong party. Yes, Perrin was a friendly man but he was someone who would not have done anything into that territory.

    "You take such careful care of others without a thought to yourself." It was clear in Faile's mind at least. Anna, whoever she was or had been didn't matter to Faile in the least bit, had hurt Perrin with her own selfishness. With her inability to put emotions and feelings aside to keep ties strong. That was something Faile knew she could do if she needed to. Even if Perrin had never liked her back or the tapestry's forbid Faile ever had to work with the likes of Berelain, what had to be done, had to be done. Your own pain be damned.

    So whoever Perrin's friend had been, she had a lot of growing to do before she wanted to survive in the real world. Of course Faile was biased. She had never met the other woman but that hardly mattered in Faile's mind. Hers was a determined, clear path when it came to judging others. "Put yourself first. She obviously is." It was perfectly justifiable in Perrin's case. It wasn't as if he was the one who had started it.

    It seemed to her that she was not nearly as upset as she could have been. All of her nerves had certainly vanished. Faile was worried about Perrin but this was something that didn't matter in the grand scheme of their lives. She picked her fork back up to resume eating though her dark eyes were trained on the smith, watching his face to see how he reacted. Perhaps to judge if it was time to push him a little on the path he needed to walk if they would one day rule Saldaea. Faile loved Perrin but her duty to that throne was almost of equal weight to her love for the smith. There were somethings you had to do for the greater good and this would be one of them.
     
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  15. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

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    Faile’s words were blunt, but the truth often was, wasn’t it? It didn’t really change how he felt, discomfort and guilt warring within him. But Faile was right: Anna was a child, and in more ways than just the one. She’d never experienced life until she’d been brought to Pandora, cooped up in her castle as she’d been. She’d never had to fend for herself, or learn how to interact with people, or all sorts of things that walked hand-in-hand with being an independent, self-confident person. Perrin knew, objectively speaking, that it wasn’t up to him to help Anna mature. Even though once, before everything had fallen apart, he’d thought of Anna as something almost like a little sister. As someone to look out for, as someone to guide.

    Explaining any of that to Faile didn’t seem like it would make her opinion on Anna change, however. It would likely just make it worse. Once Faile made up her mind, she stood by her decisions. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he was being too hard on himself, racking his brains over where and how he’d given Anna the wrong impression without meaning to. Blood and ashes, he was sitting here losing sleep over what he could have done differently when, at the end of the day... at the end of the day, he’d just been himself.

    As for putting himself first? Perrin couldn’t help but chuckle, though it was without humor. “I’m not really used to doing that,” he confessed, straightening and leaning back in his seat. He was more at ease, more relaxed, now that it was all out in the open. “But I think you’re right. No, you are right. I tried fixing things, but...” Sighing, he shifted his weight to lean his elbows on the table again. “Some things just can’t be fixed.” Even if all you were trying to do was be honest about your feelings, and about where you stood with someone. Anna had insisted that she just wanted him to be happy, but that had been followed by her admitting that she’d wanted to hate him, and... he really didn’t know what to think of the situation anymore.

    “Why does this always happen to me?” he muttered, dragging his tinfoil boxed-meal closer. He picked his fork up again and nudged around globs of leftover rice. “First, it was that woman you talked about from back home, and now it’s Anna.” He speared a piece of chicken and wagged it in the air. “You’d think that the Wheel, or whatever it is that chooses these things, would ask me what I wanted for once.”

     
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  16. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

    Posts:
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    Sometimes it could take a bit of work to make a person understand what they were doing. Everyone had trouble seeing their own flaws and faults. Faile had her own. She didn't trust people except for a select few and some people saw that as a fault. She was blunter than most southerners and a number of people thought she was cold. But again. Some people saw that as a fault. Faile did not. She came from a part of the world that needed those types of personality quirks. It meant you could survive.

    "You trust rather easily and you like to see the best in everyone. That's why this happens to you." She said the words more gently than she had spoken before. Perrin would always get special treatment from Faile, obviously. Even if she was sure that he would be able to handle much more on any given day. There would be a point where they would have screaming matches, she was sure of that, but all of it would be in love. She wouldn't ever doubt that Perrin loved her after everything he had done for her.

    "The wheel weaves as it wills. What we want is meaningless to what it wants. We have to learn how to adapt and survive. To thrive as we can in the wake of fate." Having to deal with childish friends was just a minor thing to Faile. If she was being honest, she thought that Perrin was being a little dramatic. But it was one of his quirks and she knew that he just needed to see sense at the end of his little tunnel to realize what was going on. Family members dying was something to lose sleep over and rail at the world for. But people not being who you thought they were? That should have been expected. That was a normal part of life for almost everyone else.

    "What you need is thicker skin, Perrin. Thicker skin and the ability to realize that not everyone should be trusted with your heart." Only her. Only her and few others. He could trust his heart to her as she had done with him. Almost no secrets, except the sort that would be needed to keep him safe, and she would expect the same of him. That was the way a marriage was supposed to work and one day, they would be husband and wife.

    She took another bite of her food, not wanting to worry about that situation either. "Is there anything else that is troubling you?" If he was in the mood to actually listen to her advice then Faile was going to take advantage of it. No beating around the bush about... a number of things. She'd set him straight on whatever subject he wanted to talk about.
     
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  17. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

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    “When you put it that way...” He didn’t finish his sentence, for there was no need to. Faile had hit the nail on the head, as expertly as if she had been wielding a hammer for years. He supposed he did tend to treat people the same way they treated him. Or with respect, until it became clear that they weren’t worth his respect. At least only a small handful of people fit in that category. Probably for the best, really. He couldn’t bring himself to be polite to such people.

    As Faile went on, Perrin hid his smile behind a spoonful of rice, deciding not to mention how much she had reminded him of Moiraine just now. If there had ever been any doubt over whether she had been traveling with him and the others back home — not that there was, of course, but hypothetically speaking — that alone would have been confirmation enough. Her take on Moiraine’s saying was an interesting one, but it was no less true. All they could really do was try to make the most of things, no matter what life threw at them.

    “You’d think, after so many years, you’d know a person,” he muttered, stabbing away at his last few forkfuls. Huffing, his shoulders sagged. “But I suppose people change.”

    He wasn’t really that surprised over Anna’s changes, considering what she’d been through over the past few years. But what had surprised him had been her vehement reaction to his help, born from her jealousy over unreciprocated feelings. It was what led to their falling out in the first place, and now...? Well, they’d been honest with each other about their feelings, but there would never be any going back to what they’d once shared. Perrin would just had to accept that, and he supposed Anna would too. However it was she went about it.

    “No,” he admitted, setting down his fork and folding his arms over the table. “No, all I really wanted was to let you know what was going on.” But he was silent for a moment, wondering how to put his next thoughts into words.

    “I think...” he started to say, shifting in his seat so he could better face Faile. “I think a part of me already knew, even before we ran into each other again yesterday, that there’s nothing I can do for her anymore.” He shrugged, spreading his hands. “It feels selfish, but you’re right. I can’t break myself down to make people happy.” Nor could he become emotionally invested in people who would only wind up hurting him, in the end. Like Anna, and like all the friends he’d made and lost over the years.

     
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  18. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

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    How many years had Perrin known this other woman? That made Faile bristle slightly because it always seemed that he was claiming long friendships with other people and not her. It wasn't like they had known each other that long on Faile's end. The months together traveling before the Stone and now the handful of months they had been together since they had met in Pandora. It didn't seem like years and it didn't seem long at all in the grand scheme of things. Faile felt like they had known each other so much longer but that wasn't the reality.

    One day that would be the case. One day Faile would be the most important person in his life. No ifs ands or buts. He would come running for her like he did all his other friends and she would far outweigh the likes of the Dragon Reborn, even if they had been childhood friends. One day. Not today though. There were plenty of people who had known Perrin longer, even here in Pandora, and that was something that she would have to struggle with until... until who knew when because there always seemed to be something lurking around a corner to throw her off her balance. To make her feel somehow less than when Perrin was the most important person to her. To make it all feel... unbalanced.

    Which wasn't how it should have been but again, Perrin cared far too much over those who did not return the favor. Not the Dragon Reborn. Not his home villagers, though Faile hadn't met them yet, and certainly not this woman who couldn't act like an adult! "It's a lesson you better learn, Perrin. If you are to be King of Saldaea one day you will need that thicker skin." She didn't mean to blunt him over the head with their fate but he was the one who had seen the vision. He was the one to let her know what to prepare for. So why couldn't she remind him? Duty was something neither of them could run away from, not if he wanted to marry her.

    But that was another subject for another day. Something she wasn't going to push because there was no need to here in Pandora. No impending doom or anything of the sort. Her cousin would be alive or dead, where ever she may have been, and there was nothing Faile could do about it here in Pandora. "Now finish your lunch. You'll need the strength if you plan on going back to the forge today." And he would if his habits had anything to say about it. More work than he could handle but he tried hard to make everything perfect. As he should. Even if they were just board game pieces.
     
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  19. Perrin Aybara

    Perrin Aybara The Wheel of Time

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    Faile’s scent suddenly shifted, reminding him a great deal of a prickly bush that was suddenly being shoved under his nose. He knuckled his nose, shifting his weight as if he could somehow pull away from the scent. There was no reason for Faile to be smelling that way, at least not one that he could tell. But Faile’s moods were often difficult to pin down at any given time. Light, most people’s moods were. Perrin had learned over the years to ignore some scents, as they usually corresponded to a person’s thoughts rather than their feelings towards him or the situation. They came and went, like the ebb and flow of a river. Faile’s annoyance quickly evaporated, but her following words put context to it.

    “I imagine so,” he said carefully. Becoming the King of Saldaea someday was still such a foreign concept to him. There was no doubt in Perrin’s mind that someday, he and Faile would marry. He was determined for it to be true someday, once an appropriate amount of time had passed. But Faile’s words certainly hinted at more, and her scent was steady. It occurred to him then that she saw such a future as fact, and he racked his brains until he figured out how she would have reached such a conclusion: the vision.

    Perrin remembered the vision. How could he not? Their son had been in it, with curly hair like his and tilted eyes like hers. His longing for the vision to come true made something squeeze around his heart, his throat so tight he could barely swallow. Faile was so sure sometimes that they would return home, that their lives would resume where they’d left off, but he could not share her conviction. Most people in Pandora vanished within a year or two — hopefully returning home, though whether that was true or not was anyone’s guess — but a stark minority stayed here for years. He belonged to that minority now, this year marking his third. But these were worries he’d already voiced to Faile over the months since they’d reunited. Repeating them would only put even more of a damper to their meeting today than he’d already caused.

    “Food’s all well and good,” he agreed, but he didn’t pick his fork back up. Instead, he sidled closer to her and leaned in for a kiss. It was not a deep or passionate kiss, but it wasn’t a fleeting or chaste one, either. Uncomfortable as it was to be kissing her like this at her workplace, they were far from prying eyes. When he pulled away, it was with a broad smile. “But it’s your presence and support that gives me strength.”

     
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  20. Faile Bashere

    Faile Bashere The Wheel of Time

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    Becoming the reigning royals of a country was not an easy thing but it had always been a possibility in Faile's life considering her relatives. It had been something that her parents had tried to prepare her for. And it was her country, so that made all the difference for Faile. Because she wanted nothing more than to do her best for her home country. To protect her people and be a good Queen. The kind of Queen her cousin could have been if she had lived a longer life.

    Her thoughts were becoming complex all over again and so she wasn't paying too close attention to Perrin before he suddenly slid over to kiss her. The dark haired woman kissed him back and a soft smile appeared on her lips when he pulled away. To match his broad one, because it was obvious that his troubles had been settled. His words were just the extra mile because her soft smile turned in a broad grin as well, glad that he was actually saying something so sweet out loud.

    "Still, food is good for you as well. Please finish your lunch." She wouldn't let him be too distracted, but there was a playful tone in her voice all the same. She wasn't mad at him for the kiss, they were private enough in this room even though they were at work. This had turned out to be a good afternoon after all. Spending time with Perrin, talking honestly about their problems, and having a good meal together? What more could she ask for?

    The dark haired woman finished off her own meal. She'd see Perrin out when he was done and then clean up after the two of them. Then return to work because there was still half the day left. Of course, there was the matter of after work. "Are you busy tonight or did you want to come over for dinner?" It was alright if he was busy but Faile felt like it would be nice to at least offer spending the evening with him. It was what she wanted every night, if she was being honest with herself.
     
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