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You Must Be This Tall To Ride

Discussion in 'Pandora, Year 1 - 7' started by Dirk Gently, Apr 25, 2018.

  1. Dirk Gently

    Dirk Gently Guest

    MAY 4th | YEAR 7
    TAG: @Farah Black


    Dirk Gently was the kind of man who couldn’t resist a big red button on a plinth. He especially could not resist a big red button on a plinth when it had, in big white friendly looking letters, the word ‘PUSH ME!’ written on it. He really ought to but in his experience he’d discovered that by denying the obvious he usually ended up in more trouble anyway so he might as well go along with whatever bizarre and unusual things life threw at him. In this case it was a big…trunk thingy that went all the way up through the clouds and a little plinth beside it with the button of temptation.

    Dirk looked around to see if there was anyone else there. There wasn’t, it was all quiet. Probably should press the button, something bad might happen. And yet, what if he was meant to press the button and in pressing the button it would take him where he needed to be, OR!!! And this was an exciting thought, what if this was the way home?

    ”I mean it does say push me…” He reasoned aloud to himself conversationally, ”And it’s not as though there’s anything horrible like...piles of dead bodies here as a warning sign not to push it. It’s probably fine…”

    He edged closer and looked around again. Still nobody else around. Or rather, nobody around to tell him not to press the button. Dirk stuck out his hand and hovered it over the button. If the universe really didn’t want him to push it something would probably happen right now and stop him. He waited a bit longer just so the universe could be sure and when nothing stopped him he slapped his hand on the button, retracted it in case of electrocution or combustion and spun round to hear the big trunk thing whirring to life.

    A door slid open in it and there was a sort of…man-sized little cylinder inside. Two painted footprint shapes on the floor boasted the words ‘Stand here!‘ Well. It seemed rude not to follow the signs now he’d started. Right? Dirk stuck his head in the cylinder and looked around cautiously. Nothing leaped out to kill him so the rest of his body followed in afterwards. His hands reached out to touch the sides and found there were made of glass. Behind him he heard a gentle swoosh and turned to horrifyingly discover the door had closed behind him, trapping him in the cylinder. There was a single light overhead but otherwise it was claustrophobically close in here.

    ”Oh no…” He sighed.

    A cheerful 50’s-esque radio announced voice chimed, ”Please keep all arms and legs inside the tube at all times, you will be arriving at your destination in three, two-”

    Something overhead opened and Dirk looked up. It was a tube, a long black tube that led into nothing but darkness. He reasoned it must go up the entire inside of the big outside trunk thing. It started getting breezy. In fact it started getting very breezy and he found himself blinking against it as his hair started to lift. Oh no. Dirk screamed right as he felt his feet lift, right as the pneumonic tube sucked him off the ground and jetted him into the sky at somewhere around seventy miles an hour. He would have flailed in terror but he wanted to arrive with his arms in tact so he settled for screaming in total horror instead because it seemed appropriate.

    After about five seconds the dark tube suddenly brightened up and he was flung out into a curve, like a roller-coaster only without the coaster or the track of the safety harnesses or all the things that made it fun. The sun was bright up here, above the clouds. Which was about when he realised how far up he really was. He was probably going to be sick. Below him a circular retro-futuristic cityscape unfolded. He seemed to be curving headfirst towards it.

    ”I’m going to be siiick!” Dirk screamed as the ground started hurtling towards him, ”I’m gonna die and be sick!!” he paused, ”Maybe not in that precise order!!!”

    The tube at the other end opened up and at some point in the curves trajectory he must have slowed him down to a non-fatal velocity. Either way he was spewed violently out into the street where some kindly person broke his fall by conveniently standing beneath the tube as it vomited him out.

  2. Farah Black

    Farah Black Guest

    Nothing here made sense. It should be worrying – it was worrying – but after everything with Dirk and Todd and Patrick and Lydia, and then Sheriff Hobbs and Tina? Well. Nothing making sense was kind of the norm.

    But this was a different not making sense.

    This was being spat out of some kind of portal and landing on a slide in a park, waking up possibly an entire day later and having someone fix her gunshot wounds with the click of a button.

    And then they’d just walked away.

    Naturally, Farah had tried to contact Dirk and Todd. Then Sheriff Hobbs – but none of the phone numbers she had would go through and by the time she’d sat down in some fifties themed diner and ordered a milkshake (it was the only thing on the menu) she’d started to figure out that she might not have been on – well – Earth anymore.

    She didn’t think.

    She’d asked, and they’d told her they were in Pandora (though that hadn’t exactly clarified anything) and then they’d told her that her cash was useless here. They’d accepted it, just this once, because it’d looked pretty (they said) but Farah found herself wandering without a clue in the world of what to do.

    She hated not knowing what to do.

    Her only comfort was her gun tucked in her holster, and even then, it wasn’t much, because there wasn’t anyone to shoot, or flash her police badge at.

    Her actual, real, police badge, she was still getting used to that. She still hadn’t changed out of her blood-stained uniform, but that was comforting too. Well, the uniform, not the blood.

    Somehow, she’d ended up in a city in the sky.

    Now, a little tired, hungry and still confused, she was walking around, hoping something would make sense sooner or later. It seemed to work for Dirk and she was out of options at the moment – the most anyone had told her was that she was in Pandora. Which was a place. And that she wasn’t going home, which seemed like a threat but apparently wasn’t. It was just a fact.

    “Just – just stay calm,” she mumbled to herself, head held high as she tried to walk like she had a purpose and knew where she was going (she did not). “There has to be some rational explanation for all this – or just, any kind of explanation at all. Just keep walking and –“

    The sound of someone yelling stopped her in her tracks and she frowned, looking around. What? It seemed to be coming from one of the tubes that were around the city. She looked at it, took a step forward – and then found herself being tackled to the ground by whatever – whoever – had flown out of it.

    She gave a startled cry and a grunt as she hit the ground.

    Wait. She recognized that screaming.

    “Dirk!” she cried, though it was a bit strained, and she wasn’t sure whether to pull him in for a hug or shove him off. ​
    Dirk Gently likes this.
  3. Dirk Gently

    Dirk Gently Guest


    So the first, and most important, thing Dirk noticed was that he wasn’t dead. This seemed the most important because if he was dead he probably wouldn’t need to take note of anything else, but seeing as he wasn’t he could therefore move on from that relieving thought. The second thing Dirk noted was that his landing pad seemed to know his name and was definitely a person and not a handy safety cushion which would have made a lot more sense, after all what if someone hadn’t been standing there? Would he have just splatted onto the street or would he have broken something? Instead he might just have broken someone else. Someone who knew his name.

    ”I think so-?” He answered the strained voice as he untangled himself from them. About three seconds later he realised that the voice was familiar, the person was familiar and he was staring at her in shock.

    His first instinct was to make a startled, high-pitched sound of excitement, followed by a high-pitched screech of her name, ”Oh my god!! FARAH!!” and then once he’d done that he flapped excitedly and dove in for a hug. It was an awkward hug because it basically consisted of hurling himself on her on the floor and accidentally punching the ground behind her. When he realised this wasn’t the most ideal place to hug someone he quickly scrabbled backwards off her and onto his feet, offering her a hand to help her up off the floor.

    He was practically vibrating with sheer happiness and was grinning at her. He would argue it was probably just allergies but there was a bit of a sheen to his eyes too. After all it had been weeks, it might even have been an entire month without seeing a familiar face and he was all done with being out by himself these days. He’d made friends and now he liked having them around, suffering through new worlds (again) without them was horrible.

    ”When did you get here?!” He asked and then didn’t give her long enough to answer before launching into the next question with his usual ebullient expression, How did you get here?!” Then he rapidly looked around, spun in a circle and looked back to her with a hopeful expression, ”Is Todd with you?!”