By the hands of the Gods, you have been plucked from your time and from your world, dropped into the box.
Only the box is a world of its own.
We are a mass crossover based on the concept of Pandora's Box. Characters from nearly any fandom can be played here. Because of the endless character possibilities, we are canon only here at Pandora. Take a peek at our rules and plot information before starting your new life in Pandora.
Want to add a quote? Submit them here!

Private (m/tw) we are godless

Only those invited by the thread starter may join this roleplay.

Lenalee Lee

D.Gray-man
Posts
22
Location
Daye Investigations
Age
16 (+1)
Pronouns
She/her
Species
Human
Occupation
Receptionist
Alignment
True Neutral



Content Warning

September 30th
@Lavi

She hadn't had the nerve to...talk about this, before this. She had come back to a Pandora that was different. Gio was gone, Lavi and Sinbad were...well, they were still doing their thing. But she felt out of place. Lenalee....sitting at home, at DI, was nice, and comforting, but something always felt wrong.

And it wasn't wrong with them.

It wasn't Pandora that had changed. Someone that she had loved had left, yes, leaving her feeling like part of her world was missing, but that was Pandora. Lenalee had changed, and she loathed it. With what she knew now, there were questions that she needed answered, answers that she wasn't sure she'd be able to accept. If she was....if the Innocence she bore was truly...that, was everything that had been wrought because of it on her head? Should she have let herself die on the Ark, instead of letting everyone sacrifice so much for her?

Wouldn't it have been easier? Kinder?

Lavi was home, and Lenalee sat on the couch with empty eyes, waiting for him to come in.

When he did, her words were simple.

"When were you going to tell me?"

 
  • Sweat
Reactions: Lavi

Lavi

D.Gray-man
The 49th Name
Posts
251
Location
Scholar's Coterie
Age
19 (+1)
Pronouns
He / Him
Species
Human
Height
6'1" / 185 cm
Occupation
Head Scholar
Alignment
Chaotic Good
Relationship Status
Jellybean
Profile
link
Organizer
link
Directory
link

Work had been busier lately. Building bridges was never just a day's work, but Lavi knew that far too well already. It was a project he'd been preparing for, knowing that expanding their archive would be vital. It felt more like his work back home more and more as of late, but there was less guilt weighing down his shoulders now. The grip had loosened, eased by gentle affirmations.

Tonight wasn't a night for those gentle affirmations, though. He took the portal home to Pandopolis, shooting Sinbad a text goodnight as soon as his phone wasn't in danger of facing the Vales' wrath. It was tucked away a moment later, traded off for his key as he entered their house. Lenalee waited for him sometimes, but the emptiness behind her eyes didn't go unnoticed.

When were you going to tell me?

He stopped, placing his key on the rack before slowly stepping fully into the living room. "... tell you what?" They kept secrets, it had always been a simple part of who they were. There were things the redhead had sworn to keep to himself as a Bookman, other things he didn't want to talk about. Lenalee didn't want to talk about some of it either, so cards were kept close to their chests.

Yet this was clearly different. His mind jumped to one of Bookman's best kept secrets and his stomach leapt to the floor. The identity of the Heart, something that was merely a theory. Something that was unnecessary, even as it bloomed into a sinking feeling.


 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lenalee Lee

Lenalee Lee

D.Gray-man
Posts
22
Location
Daye Investigations
Age
16 (+1)
Pronouns
She/her
Species
Human
Occupation
Receptionist
Alignment
True Neutral



It wasn't that Lenalee could read Lavi himself. Lavi's true self, the one that went by no name, the one that he hid behind 49 names, 49 personas...they were hidden, even to her. But the mask of Lavi, the mask she had known for three years and counting...that one she could read easily. She never tried to dig deeper, dig past that, because it wasn't her place. He hadn't switched masks yet, because she could see how the emotions flit across his face.

He wasn't lying, but she could tell he had a hunch and...."Please," she spoke quietly, pleadingly. "Don't make me say it. I don't want.....I don't want to make it real. Just answer the question, Lavi, please. Why didn't you tell me? How long have you known? Who else knows?" She had to know, had to know if people she trusted knew this and had kept it from her, people that weren't Lavi...the truth burned, but she had to know it anyway.

 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lavi

Lavi

D.Gray-man
The 49th Name
Posts
251
Location
Scholar's Coterie
Age
19 (+1)
Pronouns
He / Him
Species
Human
Height
6'1" / 185 cm
Occupation
Head Scholar
Alignment
Chaotic Good
Relationship Status
Jellybean
Profile
link
Organizer
link
Directory
link

Setting his bag down, the redhead slowly moved to take a seat across from Lenalee. He could feel his heart slowly cave, taking a small breath to recenter himself. This was about the Heart, there was no doubt in his mind. It had been the type of information that would break anyone, but especially her. Being the Heart was a burden she didn't deserve to bear, something he had genuinely hoped wouldn't be true. It seemed he was wrong.

"... It was just a theory Bookman had. We were the only two who knew." All the signs had been there, especially that night on the boat. No normal Innocence worked so hard to protect it's accomodator. Synchronization rate aside, it was something Bookman had insisted be kept quiet for a reason. One that Lavi had agreed with quite easily, truth be told. She didn't deserve this.


 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lenalee Lee

Lenalee Lee

D.Gray-man
Posts
22
Location
Daye Investigations
Age
16 (+1)
Pronouns
She/her
Species
Human
Occupation
Receptionist
Alignment
True Neutral



Lenalee closed her eyes for a moment. Deep breaths, in and out, in and out, because...it was so much.

Lenalee Lee hated. It was a truth of herself which had defined so much of her life, a truth of herself that she despised, a truth of herself that she hated. She hated God. She hated the Order. She hated humanity, and the Noah, and the war. She hated the Innocence, most of all. The pain that it put her friends through, how it tied them to paths that they couldn't escape for fear of death, or worse. The target it put on their backs, the way it defined their lives. She hated it for what it did to them, to her. For ten years of war, countless losses, countless injuries, countless deaths.

And it was her fault.

She could've stopped it all, if she had just let herself die. If she had just been prepared to stop fighting, to give up....if she had just died with the Ark, back in Edo, back against Eshi. She could've sunk below the waves, let herself drown, and saved the people she loved from so much pain. Instead, she survived, while Allen suffered, and Kanda died, and the Order was obliterated.

Lenalee curled up, bringing her knees up under her chin. "What do I do, Lavi?" The plea, for some kind of knowledge, some kind of way to deal with this, live with this, wasn't really a conscious one, slipping out from Lenalee's mouth without her thinking.

 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lavi

Lavi

D.Gray-man
The 49th Name
Posts
251
Location
Scholar's Coterie
Age
19 (+1)
Pronouns
He / Him
Species
Human
Height
6'1" / 185 cm
Occupation
Head Scholar
Alignment
Chaotic Good
Relationship Status
Jellybean
Profile
link
Organizer
link
Directory
link

It was too easy to recall that night on the boat. Where he had lost control of his emotions after they'd built up to dangerous heights. Grief had gripped his throat like a noose and he had forced himself to stay silent when he wanted to scream. It was the Bookman way, but it was hard to put his duty before the pain in a friend's death.

There were no right answers here. Lavi knew what he would do. Scream, cry. Feel those emotions somewhere private away from any prying ears or eyes. It all would return to being an empty void in his chest the next day, as it always did. But Lenalee wasn't him. They were similar enough for her to see right through them, but he knew exactly how much further she was pressing onto that guilt. An open wound that she wouldn't let heal until she'd felt like it was enough of a punishment for something entirely out of her control.

He finally settled next to her on the couch, a gloved hand slipping to take one of her hands. "You remind yourself that it wasn't your choice." Taking a small breath, the redhead shifted slightly on the couch. "And you can agonize over that lack of choice, sure. I think anyone would, but the second thing you need to remind yourself of is that none of us would ever blame you." Innocence, as usual, was the one to blame. Maybe even himself, too, for hiding it.


 
  • Sad
Reactions: Lenalee Lee

Lenalee Lee

D.Gray-man
Posts
22
Location
Daye Investigations
Age
16 (+1)
Pronouns
She/her
Species
Human
Occupation
Receptionist
Alignment
True Neutral



"It was my choice to live," Lenalee said softly, her voice...empty, as she stared down at her hands.

Lenalee Lee hated.

And when you hated for long enough, eventually the only thing left to hate was yourself.

She grasped onto Lavi's hand like it was a lifeline, her knuckles starting to turn white, but Lenalee just stared. "You should've let me die on the Ark. If it wasn't for Allen, for something that you had no way of knowing, all of you would've died there. And for what? Me? I'm not worth that." There's no way that she was worth the lives of everyone else. Kanda, Allen, Lavi, Krory, Chaoji....

"You should."

Because there was so many times that she could've died, that she should've died. and she didn't, and that was on her. It wasn't like she really wanted to live.

She just didn't want to die, either.

 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lavi

Lavi

D.Gray-man
The 49th Name
Posts
251
Location
Scholar's Coterie
Age
19 (+1)
Pronouns
He / Him
Species
Human
Height
6'1" / 185 cm
Occupation
Head Scholar
Alignment
Chaotic Good
Relationship Status
Jellybean
Profile
link
Organizer
link
Directory
link

He could feel his heart wrench, collapse in on itself at her words. It felt like he'd been punched in the chest, but none of it showed in his expression. All he could do was hold her hand, place his other hand on top of hers and keep it close. Letting her die had never been an option and it never would be. "You aren't the only one tired of losing people, Lenalee." Thinking of Allen's death wore him down too, no matter how much he pushed those emotions aside.

Losing her would've only made the hole in his chest grow wider than it already was. "I couldn't lose you too. Not now, not ever. Especially not when we weren't sure if Yu..." More than anything, Lavi quickly shut that thought away as well. Yu had been fine, too. They had all been alright by the end of the night. "None of us would ever let you die."


 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lenalee Lee

Lenalee Lee

D.Gray-man
Posts
22
Location
Daye Investigations
Age
16 (+1)
Pronouns
She/her
Species
Human
Occupation
Receptionist
Alignment
True Neutral



For all she tried to break away, there was a part of Lenalee that would always fall back into those ingrained patterns she had gained at the Order. It had happened back in Doom's castle, when she had felt completely powerless. Do as she was told, just to regain any power in the situation. Meaningless defiance was a waste of energy, energy better spent staring aimlessly into space and pretending that she had a plan. Had... anything.

Especially after Doom had so kindly let her know that everyone had died on the Pandora Trail.

That she was alone.

"We both know that not everyone would define me as people, Lavi," Lenalee said, softly. It was another remnant of the Order. Exorcists were more important than the rest of humanity, but they were also more expendable. They existed to fight and die. An Exorcist who didn't do that was only a...broken doll. "Not fighting, here, in Pandora, is treason. You know that. I know that. The only thing keeping us alive is that no one else does."

"I just...."

".....want it to be over."


 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lavi

Lavi

D.Gray-man
The 49th Name
Posts
251
Location
Scholar's Coterie
Age
19 (+1)
Pronouns
He / Him
Species
Human
Height
6'1" / 185 cm
Occupation
Head Scholar
Alignment
Chaotic Good
Relationship Status
Jellybean
Profile
link
Organizer
link
Directory
link

Not everyone would define me as people. He could feel it, that same anger from before. On the boat, breaking the window. It was the exact same, only pointed towards the Order now. Maybe part of it was still towards Lenalee, but he knew too well how easy it was to fall into those mindsets. Placed in front of you on a table, they were almost impossible to resist. They always started it young.

"Why care about what other people would define you as? The Order isn't here, treason or not there's nothing for us to do other than sit with the situation we're in. Everything I've done here is treason, every single thing." And yet his mind went so quickly to Sinbad, every connection he'd built for personal reasons rather than work itself.

He bit back emotions that threatened to rise in his throat, more akin to bile than anything else. "We haven't been human. I can't call myself that, I know you can't either, but... it doesn't mean we don't deserve to change that." A second chance they didn't ask for, maybe they hadn't even wanted.

"It can't be over if it's just starting, Lenalee." Life, actual lives, were just beginning. And didn't they deserve that? Didn't they deserve to stop fighting? He hoped so, he would pray so if the thought didn't make him want to puke.


 
  • I'm Fine
Reactions: Lenalee Lee

Current Season

Status Updates

Kazuma Kiryu wrote on Goro Majima's profile.
Happy birthday, Majima-no-niisan.
Taiga Saejima wrote on Goro Majima's profile.
Oi, kyoudai. Happy Birthday.
My condolences to the state of the Alliance for I will never disparage a dead man. May Mr. Jordan never be forgotten, for better or for worse.
Putting this out to announce we'll be having a Moon Destruction Album release coming out the day of the big boom, come pick up a physical album at your local record store or download it off starknet...or just steal I ain't a cop.
basically for those who don't wanna click on the spoiler in my previous status, the short version is that I'll be taking a weeklong (possibly longer or shorter) break from posting and I'm really sorry if you're waiting on me

Featured Wanteds

Staff

Donate to Pandora

Enjoying Pandora? Consider donating to us!
Target Goal: $263
Raised: $190
Currently saving money to fund for general costs for next year and a shop system. Read more about it here!

Current Events

Recent Posts

Users Online

Forum statistics

Threads
54,916
Posts
466,427
Members
482
Latest member
James T. Kirk
Top Bottom