OCTOBER 1, Y109Moving nests was not something that came to the great hunter easily or without a fuss. It was not something that he... understood, and as with so many things, what he did not understand, he did not handle with the same dignity that he might have normally possessed. His temper had been frayed for days during the process of getting things situated in the new nest, and he had been on the verge of a dozen fights over the course of the move.
Then, when everyone else seemed to settle into their routine and relax, he had... not. He had become even more temperamental and fussy about everything. He kept moving things around, and getting frustrated when it didn't feel right. It had eventually culminated in a loud and aggressive meltdown that he wasn't proud of, because he knew humans were not supposed to do that. That made it worse. It made everything worse, knowing that he still couldn't be what they were without even trying, because he couldn't control the surging waves of emotion in his head that made everything go to shit before he realized it. Before he could stop himself.
He dug his heel into the sand angrily, and turned his sullen glare out towards the ocean, scanning the horizon. It had been a couple of nights since he had lost his shit, for lack of a better term, and stormed out of the nest. He didn't know if he wanted to go back, or if he would be welcome. He could barely remember what had happened, but...
He supposed he hadn't hurt anyone. If he had, he wouldn't have gotten so far.
He couldn't say the same for any potential property damage, and even as he scanned the air, he grimaced with mild shame. He shouldn't have done that. Whatever he had done. It was wrong.
He just wanted to go home. He wanted to be him again, because he knew how to be himself. Large, dominant and perfect. Master of the world, and not confined to a body he didn't understand, with all these stupid feelings.
Feeling helpless was the worst of it. The ocean was right there, and he couldn't even go back to it. He was forced to remain on the shore, and after a pregnant pause, he screamed. As loud and as carrying as he could, hoping that one of his own would finally hear it, even if they had never heard his cries before. This time might be different, and he might see one of them on the far horizon. And then...
And then what? He would still be in this stupid, tiny form. He would be as incapable of contacting them as if they weren't here at all, and the mighty predator found himself sobbing furiously at the stupid, cruel injustice of this entire world.
Screaming again, more for some way to release frustration than anything, he reached down and grabbed a stone as large around as his fist, and he threw it as hard as he could, watching it dissolve into the night. He didn't hear it hit the water, so he picked up another and threw that one as well, crying and raging and shouting all the while. Aware that he wasn't even alone on the fucking beach anymore, but he didn't fucking care. He just kept raging until it tapered out and he hit the ground gracelessly, punching the earth as hard as he could, until both his hands hurt too much to carry on.
"What do you fucking want." His voice was choked, but as deep and demanding as ever. He didn't bother to turn around. "Just say what the fuck you want to say, and leave me the fuck alone. I don't fucking care."